Crying and Suicide

No kidding.

On my 48th birthday, I was diagnosed with Asperger's. What a waste. If I had known that years ago, perhaps things could have been in place to do something. However, far from an angelic shout and great awakening, I work anti-social hours washing dishes. What's the point? I've always been into creativity, as I can't socialise or play sports etc, and hit high grades in Uni and paint and draw and now want to get n acoustic guitar and learn how to read music as this seems more important than just slogging away for basic rate and paying bills, and one night a week down the pub and a pizza delivered for a weekend treat. However, I am single with no kids and going nowhere. My art is not good enough to take over the world - my Asperger's seems to give me the dream whilst taking away it's ability at the same time. I cry at any celebrations as I cannot join in, from weddings to live music. It seems childish to say it's not fair, but - it's not fair.

And it's also pointless to try, as it's always failure as an outcome.

The weight and emptiness of the future is too much.

So- what's the point? If you've been forced into a game that you were going to lose in the first place, what's the point in carrying on?