Published on 12, July, 2020
No kidding.
On my 48th birthday, I was diagnosed with Asperger's. What a waste. If I had known that years ago, perhaps things could have been in place to do something. However, far from an angelic shout and great awakening, I work anti-social hours washing dishes. What's the point? I've always been into creativity, as I can't socialise or play sports etc, and hit high grades in Uni and paint and draw and now want to get n acoustic guitar and learn how to read music as this seems more important than just slogging away for basic rate and paying bills, and one night a week down the pub and a pizza delivered for a weekend treat. However, I am single with no kids and going nowhere. My art is not good enough to take over the world - my Asperger's seems to give me the dream whilst taking away it's ability at the same time. I cry at any celebrations as I cannot join in, from weddings to live music. It seems childish to say it's not fair, but - it's not fair.
And it's also pointless to try, as it's always failure as an outcome.
The weight and emptiness of the future is too much.
So- what's the point? If you've been forced into a game that you were going to lose in the first place, what's the point in carrying on?
Hi NAS49919, are you recently diagnosed? Sometimes it can be a lot to take in. And sometimes it can take really long time before you come to terms with the diagnosis, and this is preceded with a rollercoaster of emotions. Firstly, there is no timetable of "life goals", or even a table of them (if that makes sense). It's not going to make you happy comparing yourself to others. Instead, focus on what makes you happy. Keep drawing and painting. Keep sketchbooks and draw through whatever it is you're thinking. Have you heard of Deviant art? There are lots of similar websites where you can upload your art and sell it. If it's your passion, just keep going with it. It makes you happy and that's the most important thing. How about using that creativity and skill in volunteering? You'd get to meet lots of new people. It's also very rewarding being able to pass on or inspire creativity in others. It may even lead into paid employment in something that you would value more than your current job. Something a lot of aspies have in common is needing to do something meaningful with their lives. Another suggestion is try to think about the positives rather than negatives. It's easy to think negatively of your situation, or of Asperger's, because we are always taught from an NT perspective. But switch this around and think of all the positives, write them down, make lists. It sounds silly, and it may be difficult at first, but it does help. And it will help you to go easier on yourself. Anything is possible. Especially for us apsies (because we're just that awesome)
It just doesn't seem worthwhile. A load of workmates went out today - I cannot join them. I sit in a room with curtains closed.
I am cancer, I am pollution. I please no one, and no one can please me. What sort of a life is this?
I have been wrong from the start. That is unfair,