Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi All
Im new to this forum I was diagnosed with mild Aspergers at about 15 years old I'm now nearly 30. I have struggled throughout my life from primary school to the present day. I have no friends or girlfriend
live at home with my parents and work 3 days a week as a gardener. I feel so isolated the only social time I have is with my parents and the one person I work with and that is all. I need to make a change as its driving me mad.
I’m exactly the same. I have previously been to uni, had experiences away from home but once I had my son I found life too hard and moved back to my parents house.
I prefer it to living completely alone but I’m incredibly lonely. I recently had to leave my job as I was failing at work and no adjustments were made. Now I literally only speak to my parents. My brother also has aspergers. I have a son who keeps me busy to an extent but it’s still lonely.
I’d love to get a boyfriend but don’t think I am neutotypical enough to make it work. I still try though.
The things that have helped me not go completely mad:
Gym membership- something fun to do and you always meet people.
Planning holidays- even if it’s by yourself it’s nice to go somewhere new.
Speed dating- I go to speed dating events. They’re so fun and you can go alone.
Online dating- I enjoy just chatting online to people and the prospect of meeting someone new. I use tinder as there’s loads of people on there.
Things that haven’t worked- voluntary work. Just didn’t enjoy it and found it too hard.
You could look to change job to one with more socialising involved.
Hi!
I'd recommend joining some social groups. You could look online for Meetup groups, which are usually hobby based. You should also be able to link up with social groups for people with high functioning autism via this website.
In my experience we feel more fulfilled when we are part of groups. That said, it's really important not to expect too much from people or from the group. If you just go along, enjoy people's company and accept that some people will inevitably shun you but don't get phased by it, I think you'll find it worthwhile.
I've stopped analysing whether or not people are real friends, and I've decided to just accept how things are, but groups certainly do help all of us, even if we're not social beings.
Hi steve I tried match.com but I found it really hard to write about myself and what would they think of my aspergers. I also have OCD which causes a lot of issues
It's not for everyone, but I met my partner through online dating (Match.com) nearly 13 years ago, well before my diagnosis of mild ASD this year. I had four dates that were really hard work and I was ready to give up when my current partner got in touch. I really wasn't in the frame of mind for another date, so we agreed to just email for a while, which was great. We hit it off straight away. I think this made me much more comfortable when we met a month or so later. Anyway, I don't know if that is an option for you, but might be worth a try...
I have joined meetup but there are no clubs of interest to me in my area
you need to start with high wing planes then you will have more success as they are easier to fly
model rc planes i have a t28 trojan Hawker typhoon and a p47 razorback love flying them at my local field
Yes you could also try volunteering perhaps 1 day a week somewhere local to you. It's a good way to meet new people : )
Although they fill a bit of time, I've found on-line relationships added to my feelings of isolation and loneliness. Have you tried joining local meet up clubs, for example, I used to belong to a cycling club. I'm a slow burner when it comes to friendships so need to talk to people over a sustained period before I feel likeable to start inviting them to social activities with me. Therefore, although the first few months can feel like a hassle (especially as I tend to feel out of place) if you do join an activity that you like I feel the key to making friends is turning up again and again over a sustained period.
Cool - I tried many times to do RC planes - but got fed up converting money into matchwood whenever it decided it liked the ground more than the air.
That's ace :) do you have a collection of rc planes? Are they models of actual planes?
When Im not working I fly rc planes and play golf. The gardening can be hard its mostly lawn mowing and hedge cutting at the moment its not too bad when the weather good
Hi NAS62808 I'm sure you will meet some like minded people on here : ) what are your interests / hobbies? Working as a gardener must be very hard work, especially at the moment! Everything seems to be growing quite ridiculously with all this rain