I live with my teenage daughter and my partner. I got my diagnosis a few years ago now. I shared it with my partner but he's shown no interest in finding out anything more about it and makes no allowances for me. We've known each other a very long time and he's always been quite brusque but he seems to be intolerant of me now. There are many examples of his daily behaviour which undermine my confidence. Today, for example, I made a statement to my daughter (it doesn't really matter about what) and I could see he was very annoyed at me. I had to ask several times for him to explain why he was cross and eventually he put on a whiny voice and mimicked what I had said to her and then he said to me "you've been up 10 minutes and you're moaning". But I wasn't. It was simply a statement. I said to my daughter "sorry if you thought I was telling you off" and she shrugged and said she didn't and didn't know why he was so cross. I told him I wanted an apology and he can't put intentions into my head but he just got more cross and I'm still waiting for the apology.
I am also very noise sensitive but if I ask him to stop drumming with his fingers (for example) he says things like "no one should have to live like this" or won't talk to me.
Even when I'm trying to be nice he gets cross. For example, he does the weekly shop and I said "shall I have a go at it this week so you can have some extra time for your hobbies?". but that made him cross and he got very annoyed saying "I haven't said I don't want to do the shopping and I don't mind doing it so stop making it seem like I do".
Sometimes when I reach overload with sensory issues (I include his bad moods in my sensory issues) I say I don't feel well and he says "oh what's wrong now? It's all about you isn't it?". But if I ask him if he's had a good day or such he says "I don't feel the need to talk about it".
He is not all bad and does do nice things for us and daughter adores him but there is a very long list of things like these that have happened. I think he is being unkind and I don't think he likes me. He's known me for 15 years and should know by now that I don't make snide comments with hidden meanings, I'm not sarcastic and I get very confused when he accuses me of thinking and implying things.
I don't really have any friends I can talk to about this and don't want to worry my parents with it. I know they think I should ask him to leave but that's not a solution at the moment.
I don't know whether I am genuinely so frustrating to live with or whether he's unhappy being stuck in family life and takes it out on me. I don't really understand at all. My solution is to speak as little as possible. I know that over the years I have experienced a lot of hostility from people - housemates at university, colleagues in previous jobs, strangers in shops - so I suppose my questions are: is it unreasonable for people to make an adjustment for us as they would if we had a physical difference? And is it possible that ASD traits can make people we live with this cross?
thank you for reading.