Published on 12, July, 2020
I have a super amazing friend, they're neurotypical and we've been friends for 10+ years, since we left school. I have very few other friends with extrememly minimal contact, this is the one friend who I will see in person maybe every month which is a LOT for me.
We share a hobby, but in many ways we're also different. They know i'm weird and are incredibly tolerant and kind.
They're also interested in a bunch of different things than me and my stupid brain can't handle it. I get freaked out every time they try and share their interests with me. I try to never tell them to their face that i automatically hate what they like because it's irrationally threatening. I'm also very possessive and don't like that they have other friends or do other things. Great.. now I sound like a psychopath! But i'm honestly not. Again my friend doesn't know anything about this.
Does anyone have similar problems? Can anyone give any advice? How can I stop feeling threatened by someone being a normal person and liking perfectly fine things?
I think one of the difficulties is having such a strong desire and need to connect with others and to understand them. When they bring up and want to share with you things that you "can't handle" you say you "freak out" - is that because you can't relate to why they are interested as you're not, or that it highlights that you have differences from one another and this highlights a potential gulf of relatability?
I am sure you are a lovely friend. The fact that you have been mates for such a long time suggests this.
It might be worth broaching the subject with them. I am assuming that you are on the spectrum (are any of them?) - if that is the case the statement "they know I'm weird" (and don't forget the wonderful with it bit!)..but do they know why, and that you struggle with somethings as a result.
Thank you for replying :)
I think it's that I can't relate to why they're interested. I've worked out I feel threatened by things other people like.
I understand I can't make people behave a certain way just to make me feel better. What bothers me is I can't understand why i'm threatened by other people having interests separate from my own. Things that people like to get involved in and bring others to join in, fandoms, trends, hobby videos on youtube. Some of it must be pride, that I don't want to be the one who gets caught up in popular things. I don't want to be a part of the group. So I automatically hate what my friend shows me, on the basis of they're trying to draw me in. (they may not be at all, and just saying "hey this is cool, what do you think?)
But it's a pain to tackle... i'm scared of telling my friend these things. I don't open up to them if I have problems.