Published on 12, July, 2020
In March 2019, I was given a full diagnosis of Autism (Asperger's Syndrome). It did come as a shock to both me and my family. I'd always known that I was different to my friends and a bit quieter, but I legitimately thought that was OK. It now clearly wasn't. I started University last Autumn (don't want to reveal what/where I studied at) but after I received no support for my diagnosis and mental health, everything plummeted. Emails weren't getting answered quickly and when they were, it was always on the lines of "you're lazy, you've got no brains etc". I made the decision to stop going, the environment was toxic. Some of the students were nasty towards me, often blanking me out during group work sessions or leaving me out of events for no apparent reason. I live at home with my parents. For the past few months since the diagnosis, I've realised that I'm a huge failure. I have a lifelong disability and being the only family member with a disability, I've been too ashamed to open up to anyone about how I feel, since no-one can relate to me.
I finally told some family about my diagnosis but they reacted negatively. Calling me once again "lazy" and "you didn't try hard enough." I haven't spoken to them and have even considered cutting them out of my life altogether. I have a boyfriend and been together for nearly two years. He was shocked by my diagnosis, but is still with me. I've told him all the time that I'm stupid, useless and that he should look for someone else. I've been trying to get help and support to come to terms with my diagnosis at age 20, but to no avail. Either long waiting lists, expensive private appointments or no replies to my messages. I literally have nothing left.
I'm fully convinced that I'm a total failure, the life that I truly wanted is now ruined. My education life has always been rocky from the start. This was my dream Uni and course, but I feel that I've been pushed away due to their lack of understanding. I'm generally paranoid to look for a job. Not because I don't want to, not because I'm trying to be lazy. I'M TOO ANXIOUS TOO. But I need the money. I do get some from a family member but that's not me doing it for myself.
I'm very depressed and basically, there's no hope left. I'm now in debt. Alone. Struggling. This forum posting here is a risk. I used to post on a different website but I got trolled, so here I am opening myself up again...
If someone/anyone can truly help me before this situation gets worse, I'll be eternally grateful.
Ally.
ANOTHER UPDATE- I met with my old social worker the week just gone, and she advised me not to contact my Uni. Apparently since I haven't enrolled for second year, nor taken out any loans, they will remove my name automatically. This was news to me and so, I've taken that move to ignore them completely. She is trying to get hold of an autistic adults group in my home city, but couldn't get through to their office on the phone first time round. Will follow-up with her soon over whether a second attempt would be possible. In the mean time, my mental health is still suffering badly. My family have told me that if I don't find something full-time/part-time soon, they will march me to the city job centre and make me sign on. I'm already demoralised as it is. It's hard because I used to have really good relationships with family members, now I don't since my diagnosis. I realistically believe that no-one understands what I'm going through, since no one in the family has ASD. I still need advice, as I'm considering running away from home if I don't find the help I need soon!
AutisticGirl69 said:ANOTHER UPDATE- I met with my old social worker the week just gone, and she advised me not to contact my Uni. Apparently since I haven't enrolled for second year, nor taken out any loans, they will remove my name automatically
Email your course administrator to review your options. Just to check that you won't jeopardise future applications and funding if you withdraw.
Without work you should claim benefits even if you feel you are temporarily unfit for work. Your family could help you rather than 'march you' - perhaps thats what they are trying to do?
See the .gov websites for info about benefits.
It's hard to care when you are in crisis I know, but maybe just trying will keep you from sinking any deeper.
Good luck.
I have emailed them multiple times, every time I was always given a different answer to before. I do feel like my family are marching me because they are fed up with me in general not doing anything (even though I've told them that I haven't become a druggie or an alcoholic.) I know benefits are out there, but I'm trying to avoid them if I can, unless in a case of an extreme serious emergency.
Do get in the housing queue. I'd say your diagnosis would definitely get you points. You might be surprised....
I've looked into social housing, but in my home city, there's a waiting list of over 400+ people looking for a property.
I'm due to go on holiday for my birthday, so right now, I sadly can't stay with another family member. Most of them, I don't talk to much anymore since my diagnosis.
Sadly, the Uni academic year has finished, so I can't really do anything until September at the latest. I agree, everything right now for me and my life is s**t.
You should go for the benefits. There is no shame in taking what you are entitled to. It could be your key to independence. You should also look into getting social housing rather than running away from home to... What? Park bench? Don't do it.
If you have friend or family you can go to for a short break away with safety do that.
See your GP about your low mood otherwise it won't be in your file. He might offer something to help. Make sure your autism diagnosis is in file too.
And I really think you should complain about how your uni is treating you. They are rubbish. Make a list and go to the students union to start with.
Sorry that life is treating you so badly. Guess you are learning early how sh!t things can be sometimes.