Sadly it has come to pass a social activity I am involved with. to have invested a great deal of time and energy has become threatened due to my disagreement with the leader of the activity group over one thing I have a great deal of difficulty dealing with, that thing being deceit.
Now it appears to myself no other or at least none others that are saying have a problem with that deceit, to wonder am I wrong in expecting better of one that purports to lead ?
For in it is the issue of trust where I find I just can't trust someone of whom has deceived me, not once, but twice.
I have great difficulty with dealing with liars. Once I find out I'm being lied to, I withdraw from that person. If there is no truth, there is no relationship.
Likewise, I can't see that person in the same way again. It's as though their appearance to me changes almost physically. It's happening to me at work as we speak...I feel incredibly uncomfortable this morning.
Yea thats a biggie for me to. Once somebody has lied to me I find it very difficult to then trust anything they do or say, Being open and honest is quite a thing for most people on the spectrum I think.
Honesty is paramount.
I can't stand dishonesty - 'white lies' are still lies.
I get in trouble at work a lot because I'm 'unflinchingly honest' and will challenge any sign of dishonesty
Greetings, All. This business of Lying is a "Thing" for Myself also. Duplicity and Contradiction are very bad for Myself also. "Being Kind by telling a Lie" is a thing for Myself also...
Enough of that. I post a perhaps more interesting Tenet about Lying. In My own life, I WILL lie in Self-defence or in a Life-threatening situation, that is for certain! That is the only kind of Lie which I think is good (...) to do since it is quite a necessary thing.
To close this Post, I say another thing. At school, I was taught that "Lying is okay sometimes if it is a kind lie." What I Myself learnt from others saying this was in fact that they were *really* saying the following:
"It is okay to tell Lies -- as long as You do not tell Lies to ME."
Does anyone find that if you are honest when others are not you are seen as the one with the problem? I have never been sure how to deal with that, and would welcome suggestions.
People at work sometimes fill in forms to say what work they have done and they haven't really done it. For instance, one ticked the boxes about cleaning "room 13", and we haven't got a room 13 in the building. Previously, I have been encouraged by someone to say we completed tasks which we hadn't had time to do, to keep the management happy. If I don't do the same others take it as criticism, which it is not, but I don't want to do something I am personally unhappy about.
NTs live with an unspoken rule of an accepted level of lying/fraud. While they all accept the same level, it's business as usual.
When someone breaks the rule, they are the problem.
If you work at a zero level of lying, you have broken their accepted rule. You ARE the problem - to them.
I'd feel like you, really uncomfortable....
To Miss Starmie... I can identify with this as well (I am a Cynosure, You know). It seems to Me to be the case that in certain circumstances either one of two 'beliefs' are followed: 1 - A lie is always found out in the end... or 2 - It is okay to lie so long as it is not found out. (Excuse Me for adding next the following punctuation: !!!!!!!!!!)
But then there is a sort of Noble Middling, where the Lie is stated, yet then turned into Truth *Afterwards*. E.G. "Yes I have DONE this task" which is a lie... then do it the next day/hour, and so it is not a lie anymore.
And more, where a Lie is told, but then what is done afterwards is SO WONDERFULLY DONE... that Everyone absolutely loves that 'Done Thing', and so it completely effaces the fact that a Lie about it was told in the first place...
( ...Book, please! ) ;-)
To NAS62367...No replies to others' replies here yet...? Sorry for Your Trouble. I would not trust a deceitful Person either, but if it is a circumstance which cannot be escaped, then I would advise LEARNING about them as much as You can. Or learn / focus upon the situation. Some people will Lie towards a specific Goal, and so try to find a pattern. The pattern can be towards a Thing or a Person, or an Ambition unrelated to the situation, even. (I have little else to say more than that under ambiguity.) Good Luck Anyway.