Discovery 2 - Let's talk about communication

It sounds nuerotypical to me, just because most of my autistic friends could never in a million years achieve that level of communication but if I read it without that question in mind, I wouldn’t think anything, other than what it was saying, meaning it wouldn’t occur to me to guess who it could have been written by in terms of an nd or nt person, because how would you know, unless you asked them? 

I recognise the traits you listed. I recognise them in me as well, however, we (meaning you and I), tend to have a different way of relating to them. For example, you listed them as difficulties, whereas I don’t see them as difficulties, I just see them as autistic traits. And some of them, or the way you relate to them, or explain them, or rather the way I process/understand information, are confusing, to me, for example, who says you speak too loud and too fast?

How did they even work that out? I’m not sure that I understand that one. Are you saying that there is a speed limit in speaking and a sound limit? How did you find out about it? Who made this rule up and who conforms to it? Do you?

I’m guessing you’re not taking about when you are in places such as libraries etc, where people are asked to speak quietly, or maybe you are and that’s why it’s a difficulty, because you’re not able to talk in a quiet voice?

I can understand that, if that’s the case. I know some people who speak very loud, as their only volume, and who would struggle in a library or similar quiet place. So maybe that’s it? If it is, I understand, I would find that difficult as well. I am a loud speaker (not literally, lol) compared to most people but it’s not a problem because I can be quiet if needs be.

I don’t have any difficulty delivering monologues. Are you saying you have difficulty doing this and would like to improve on it?

Difficulty interpreting lies etc, I generally never do this but it’s not usually a problem for me.

I’m very blunt, honest and insensitive in regards to most people’s sensitivities so that’s how I come across. I don’t think it’s that I’m interpreted that way so much as, I am that way, so I’m not sure what you’re saying. Are you saying your not blunt or insensitive but that  people interpret you that way and that’s a problem for you, because you’re not, it just seems like it? And I’m guessing people don’t like it and you want them to like you so that’s why it’s becoming a problem for you and they won’t believe you when you say you’re not being blunt or insensitive? It all sounds a bit tricky. I think life is much easier when you are blunt and honest, but of course I would say that, lol, being of the blunt and honest variety myself.

I never know if people are being rude or kind to me, lol. I say I’ve only been bullied three times in my life but it could have been happening a lot more than that for all I know, stuff like that goes right over my head, so I don’t know who’s being nice or not, but I don’t see it as a problem, although I am wising up a bit in some ways so I can spot stuff happening, but I see learning to do that more as a benefit than a problem.

I have the other traits that you have also, but again, I don’t see them as problems. I guess it’s because I kind of see them as part of who I am, like they’re part of my identity or something, so for me to see them as problems, it would be like saying I’m a problem because I see them as part of who I am. And I’m learning how to change the ones that cause me distress, such as catastrophic ocd thinking etc. I guess I just see them as part of who I am so of course I don’t therefore see them as problems. 

It sounds nuerotypical to me, just because most of my autistic friends could never in a million years achieve that level of communication but if I read it without that question in mind, I wouldn’t think anything, other than what it was saying, meaning it wouldn’t occur to me to guess who it could have been written by in terms of an nd or nt person, because how would you know, unless you asked them? 

I recognise the traits you listed. I recognise them in me as well, however, we (meaning you and I), tend to have a different way of relating to them. For example, you listed them as difficulties, whereas I don’t see them as difficulties, I just see them as autistic traits. And some of them, or the way you relate to them, or explain them, or rather the way I process/understand information, are confusing, to me, for example, who says you speak too loud and too fast?

How did they even work that out? I’m not sure that I understand that one. Are you saying that there is a speed limit in speaking and a sound limit? How did you find out about it? Who made this rule up and who conforms to it? Do you?

I’m guessing you’re not taking about when you are in places such as libraries etc, where people are asked to speak quietly, or maybe you are and that’s why it’s a difficulty, because you’re not able to talk in a quiet voice?

I can understand that, if that’s the case. I know some people who speak very loud, as their only volume, and who would struggle in a library or similar quiet place. So maybe that’s it? If it is, I understand, I would find that difficult as well. I am a loud speaker (not literally, lol) compared to most people but it’s not a problem because I can be quiet if needs be.

I don’t have any difficulty delivering monologues. Are you saying you have difficulty doing this and would like to improve on it?

Difficulty interpreting lies etc, I generally never do this but it’s not usually a problem for me.

I’m very blunt, honest and insensitive in regards to most people’s sensitivities so that’s how I come across. I don’t think it’s that I’m interpreted that way so much as, I am that way, so I’m not sure what you’re saying. Are you saying your not blunt or insensitive but that  people interpret you that way and that’s a problem for you, because you’re not, it just seems like it? And I’m guessing people don’t like it and you want them to like you so that’s why it’s becoming a problem for you and they won’t believe you when you say you’re not being blunt or insensitive? It all sounds a bit tricky. I think life is much easier when you are blunt and honest, but of course I would say that, lol, being of the blunt and honest variety myself.

I never know if people are being rude or kind to me, lol. I say I’ve only been bullied three times in my life but it could have been happening a lot more than that for all I know, stuff like that goes right over my head, so I don’t know who’s being nice or not, but I don’t see it as a problem, although I am wising up a bit in some ways so I can spot stuff happening, but I see learning to do that more as a benefit than a problem.

I have the other traits that you have also, but again, I don’t see them as problems. I guess it’s because I kind of see them as part of who I am, like they’re part of my identity or something, so for me to see them as problems, it would be like saying I’m a problem because I see them as part of who I am. And I’m learning how to change the ones that cause me distress, such as catastrophic ocd thinking etc. I guess I just see them as part of who I am so of course I don’t therefore see them as problems. 

Yes, I have been told to "slow down" and I am often asked to be quiet at work, due to people trying to concentrate or talk to a customer on the phone. I'm not loud all the time, but when I'm excited/highly interested in something/trying to join in with jokes or 'banter" I get louder without realising it, and then feel bad that I've disturbed some people trying to work. 

I don't have any trouble delivering monologues, quite the opposite. But as I've got older I've learned to read the "glazed over" expression that says a polite person is no longer listening. And at work if I start to talk at length about a special interest the guys will say "oh, here she goes again!'

If I respond without thinking, sometimes I get told "that's not very nice' (although usually said with a grin) - sometimes I have to explain that I didn't mean to offend or I was trying to make a joke which failed.

None of these are really "problems", just social faux Pas which make me feel a bit awkward, but the people I work with are not unkind. I described them as "difficulties" because that's how NT profiles of autism describe them, and other people I work with don't exhibit these behaviours like me. But yes, it is just a difference, which is what autism is all about.

It sounds nuerotypical to me, just because most of my autistic friends could never in a million years achieve that level of communication

Hello Blueray.  I'm assuming by this that you mean it in answer to

Pixiefox said:

I am verbally fluent with a wide vocabulary and excellent written language skills. I don't take everything literally. I understand humour, irony, metaphors. My grammar skills and reading comprehension have always been excellent. I understand that other people have unique thoughts and ideas. I can "do" eye contact. I have taught English as a second language.

Does that sound autistic? Or neurotypical? 

If so, I would only say that it makes a case for how difficult it is to generalise about autism and autistic people.  Being a spectrum condition, it affects us in widely different ways, just as neurotypicality manifests in widely different ways.  I regard myself as all of the things that Pixiefox has listed, except that I cannot maintain eye contact and prefer not to look at a person at all if I'm conversing with them.  I was always very strong with verbal communication skills, and my reading, writing, spelling and grammatical understanding were way ahead of the others at school.  I was able to do simple crosswords even before I started school.  I whizzed through all the primer books I was given in my first year at primary school.  I do take some things literally, but generally I understand figurative language and am good at getting jokes.  I could win prizes for sarcasm, probably, and I have won prizes for composition.  I'm also an excellent public speaker.  But I am very definitely autistic.  I also know autistic people whose verbal communication skills are ahead of mine.  One of them is even a journalist and broadcaster (though he isn't Chris Packham).  The communication difficulties will differ as widely as any other autistic difficulties (or traits if you prefer).  I think these things only become a problem for most autists when they are put into a social context.  Even though I have a high level of written and verbal fluency, I generally fall to pieces when I'm in a real live conversation or group conversational exchange setting, because then I miss out on the other 90% of communication that is going on through body language, facial expressions, subtleties of tone, etc, and if my train of thought and expression gets interrupted, I find it very hard to both address the point of interruption (even if I know how to) and to return to my own flow.  Put simply, when I'm alone I'm not autistic.  I'm also not autistic when I'm the absolute centre of attention, such as when I'm doing stand-up comedy (one of my main pursuits).  But then I have control.  I'm the only one speaking.  I do my delivery very fast, so that hecklers don't get a chance to interrupt my flow.  And when I'm finished I rush off stage and go off alone.  I don't want to communicate with the audience in any way except on my own terms. I try not to think of my communication issues as difficulties, but they are in the sense that they are often misinterpreted by others.