Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone,
I just wanted to come here to apologise profoundly for the things I said in a thread I started on Saturday evening. Having berated another member for vile remarks that were made, I then resorted to the same. I'm deeply ashamed. I relapsed badly with the drink and drunk to black-out. I don't even remember some of the final comments I made. I wanted to go in and remove them, but the thread has been locked. Just as well, really. Let them stand as testament to the type of person I can become.
Or, rather, the type of person I am - in the wrong circumstances. I can't blame the alcohol. That was only the facilitator. The tongue-loosener. It wasn't the alcohol speaking. It was me speaking. The side of me that I don't like. The side of me that I'm always battling with. I'm hoping that my counselling can help me with that. It's long overdue. I have taken another vow of abstinence too, and will try to stick with it. I want to give up before the booze gives me up. I'm sixty in a couple of weeks. I want it to be the 'new beginning' after 20 years of turbulence: a divorce, the loss of both parents, depressions. Years in the wilderness. It's do or die now. So I'm going to make a go of it.
I think if anyone was going to 'burn their bridges', I couldn't have chosen a more explosive way to do it. But it's done. I will not be returning. Perhaps leaving will in itself be a big part of moving forwards.
Looking around this morning, I can see that the fires are still smouldering on some threads. I feel responsible for helping to create this chaos and internecine warfare. Please, I ask you... try to leave it alone and move on from it. Let things settle again. This forum is a valuable resource and a lifeline for many people. Don't scare them away before they've even started.
I apologise again - to everyone. I wish you all well. And I wish you peace.
Thank you for all the help you have given to me and the patience you have shown me over the years.
Tom
PS I tried to disable comments, but I can't. Please don't comment. I will ask the Moderators to lock the thread.
Thread has been locked as requested by Tom.
Ross - mod