Published on 12, July, 2020
hi, I am new to this forum but just wondered if anyone else is in the same position as me. I am a 28 years old female. I am undiagnosed officially but had a non official assessment at my university and was told it is highly likely I have aspergers. I struggle to make and maintain friendships, more recently I have just given up completely trying to socialise or fit in. I am happily married but apart from my husband I don’t really see or speak to anyone else outside of work. I always seem to say the wrong thing and the fear of doing so has led me to stop trying to talk to people at all. I do work and just about manage with day to day small talk but I don’t make an effort to chat with people about anything unrelated to work. Recently I have been feeling very lonely and wish I had some friends to share things with, spend time with. I feel like I have no one I could turn to in a crisis except my family who all live far away. I see other people in coffee shops with their friends chatting and laughing and I just wish I could be like that. I have no idea where or how to meet friends any more. I used to be better when I was younger and especially at university where most social situations involved alcohol although I still made a lot of mistakes and faux pas which meant I never really had a lot of friends. I have had a lot of bad experiences with friends who have ended up cutting me out of their lives for one reason or another. I don’t think I am a nasty or bad person I just don’t know how to behave in social situations. The more I avoid it the worse I seem to get. Any advice or anyone in a similar position would be appreciated
Hi NAS, I am in the same situation at 30. There are people I do things with, like going climbing (all male), but I never really manage to bond with anyone beyond a shared hobby and I don't seem to be able to get on with other women at all. Programmes like sex and the city have led me to believe I should have a group of close female friends that I talk to about everything, but maybe this just isn't true to life. The only person I confide in is my partner. When I think about it, I'm a very private person and in the past when I occasionally have had a close friend, I have normally provided a listening function rather than enjoying taking part in any gossip myself. This is probably why such people have become bored of me and moved on. I'm finding it hard to come to terms with, but I think maybe I just need to lower my expectations for my social life.
... or maybe change your understanding of what a social life is, because I have a great social life but it rarely involves other people or even leaving my house a lot of the time. It sounds like it might benefit you more to expand your awareness of what a social life is. I remember watching sex and the city for similar reasons, to pick up tips, and while some people do live like that, it isn't the law and lots of people live much different lives. Although I must admit, I'm moving more towards developing female friendships, at present, which is a big change for me as I have generally always hung out with guys, and still do, but I'm exploring friendships with other females as well now. So I think our social lives change as well, over time, or least mine have. I don't gossip either, but not everybody does, despite it being a very popular and favorite past time for many people.