I'm beginning to realise just how hard it is to communicate your own needs to other people, and to prioritise your own needs when necessary.
Yesterday I was in a meeting with one other, sympathetic, person who knows about my ASD, and I had to say three times that "I need to go now as my brain is exhausted". After the first two times we simply carried on talking. On the third time I had to emphasise my statement by standing up and moving towards the door. Only then could I escape, kicking myself for having spent what seemed like half an hour continuing past the point where what *I* needed was to withdraw to a quiet place to make sense of what we had been talking about.
I'm determined to become stronger at this, because I *have* to.
I face a similar situation in my relationship with my mother. What *I* need is space, separation, and to talk on the phone maybe once every few months and text once a month. But a part of my brain tells me that I *should* be doing something else, adoring her, looking after her feelings. Again, I need to be stronger.
I wonder if it's common (perhaps universal) for people on the spectrum to feel this overwhelming pressure to conform. That's almost a rhetorical question. But what's dawning on me now is that maybe another universal trait is a desire to be seen as compliant, to be seen as a "good egg", maybe simply to obtain acceptance, and just how pervasive, insidious, and stealthy the pressure is, and how hard it is to resist.
When I explain this, people are often quite ready to *say* "I understand, it must be hard, no 'You do you', look after your needs", but then their behaviours and reactions tell me that they didn't really mean it.
