Published on 12, July, 2020
So this morning I woke up as an over anxious ball of overthinking stressiness! I’m nearly 4 months post diagnosis now, and although I’ve had the odd wobble, it had been going reasonably smoothly for the most part. But I seem to have brain adjustment/cognitive reframing/shifting of self perception happening at quite a fast rate for the past week! It feels, mostly metaphorically, like my neural networks have been loosened up and are rearranging themselves. I used to think that I knew myself quite well but presently I don’t feel as though I have a very stable sense of self, I don’t feel that I know myself as well as I thought I did as my self perception is changing massively in response to now knowing that I am autistic, my view of my self and my life experience is having to change to take into account the context of being autistic. I’m sure that this phase will pass eventually but right now I’m on a rollercoaster mentally, one that is proving to be quite a white knuckle ride!!
I can relate. I too only found out recently and have had a couple of rough months, fibro has flared up big time. I have started psychology support for trauma which they surmise is linked to the misunderstanding of my autism, being a baby boomer it was never picked up, I was branded difficult and a naughty girl. I look at like a grieving process and yes looking at life through a new lens. All has to be reprocessed, re-categorised, with the understanding I’m not a naughty girl but rewired different and have to learn what that processing standard is for me.
i have dropped the mask and just letting me be me and others find it hard but tough I say. I spent 60 years playing a part in a game I don’t like at all to fit in and be a good girl and it almost killed me.
I don’t know me yet but it will happen with support but rollercoaster is a good example and I can relate to the struggles we adults face with this new knowledge.
Sorry to hear that you've had a rough couple of months. I did think that I was coping ok but I guess it was inevitable that it would hit eventually. Sorry I'm keeping this reply short, my head is all over the place today.
Ditto, understand I’m the same today. Can’t wait for bedtime.
Hope you feel better soon