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Coming to terms with my diagnosis

Kitsune

So this morning I woke up as an over anxious ball of overthinking stressiness! I’m nearly 4 months post diagnosis now, and although I’ve had the odd wobble, it had been going reasonably smoothly for the most part. But I seem to have brain adjustment/cognitive reframing/shifting of self perception happening at quite a fast rate for the past week! It feels, mostly metaphorically, like my neural networks have been loosened up and are rearranging themselves. I used to think that I knew myself quite well but presently I don’t feel as though I have a very stable sense of self, I don’t feel that I know myself as well as I thought I did as my self perception is changing massively in response to now knowing that I am autistic, my view of my self and my life experience is having to change to take into account the context of being autistic. I’m sure that this phase will pass eventually but right now I’m on a rollercoaster mentally, one that is proving to be quite a white knuckle ride!!

  • in reply to Hellbell
    Hellbell said:
    I spent 60 years playing a part in a game I don’t like at all to fit in and be a good girl and it almost killed me. 

    Same here, except I'm a boy and only just over 50.

  • in reply to Kitsune

    Ditto, understand I’m the same today. Can’t wait for bedtime.

  • in reply to Hellbell

    Sorry to hear that you've had a rough couple of months. I did think that I was coping ok but I guess it was inevitable that it would hit eventually. Sorry I'm keeping this reply short, my head is all over the place today.

  • I can relate. I too only found out recently and have had a couple of rough months, fibro has flared up big time. I have started psychology support for trauma which they surmise is linked to the misunderstanding of my autism, being a baby boomer it was never picked up, I was branded difficult and a naughty girl. I look at like a grieving process and yes looking at life through a new lens. All has to be reprocessed, re-categorised, with the understanding I’m not a naughty girl but rewired different and have to learn what that processing standard is for me.

    i have dropped the mask and just letting me be me and others find it hard but tough I say. I spent 60 years playing a part in a game I don’t like at all to fit in and be a good girl and it almost killed me. 

    I don’t know me yet but it will happen with support but rollercoaster is a good example and I can relate to the struggles we adults face with this new knowledge.

  • in reply to Bookworm

    It’s annoying actually as I did have quite a good sense of self, I didn’t when I was younger but I’d come through all of that. Now it’s been thrown into complete disarray again! Yes I totally agree that we are like children post diagnosis. I keep repeating to people recently that I feel like a new born in autistic terms, I’m having to learn everything from scratch in this new world that I’ve entered but it’s a very interesting; fascinating and intriguing world. All this learning is giving me brain ache at the moment though, there’s just too much to process! I like the concept of the NAS forum being your kindergarten, it is for me too in a way. I’m sorry to hear that you’re shaking while you type today though. Is there anything that would make that better? I’m going to do some beading tonight as that helps my brain to relax.

  • I can totally relate to this. i was diagnosed in November 2015 and still I feel like I don't know myself very well. I think we are like children post diagnosis still trying to discover who we are, i know I'm in there somewhere its just finding me and at times like you say I am a nervous wreck, as I said when I PMd you I am today shaking whilst I type.

    As far as I am concerned this is my kindergarten lol