Published on 12, July, 2020
So this morning I woke up as an over anxious ball of overthinking stressiness! I’m nearly 4 months post diagnosis now, and although I’ve had the odd wobble, it had been going reasonably smoothly for the most part. But I seem to have brain adjustment/cognitive reframing/shifting of self perception happening at quite a fast rate for the past week! It feels, mostly metaphorically, like my neural networks have been loosened up and are rearranging themselves. I used to think that I knew myself quite well but presently I don’t feel as though I have a very stable sense of self, I don’t feel that I know myself as well as I thought I did as my self perception is changing massively in response to now knowing that I am autistic, my view of my self and my life experience is having to change to take into account the context of being autistic. I’m sure that this phase will pass eventually but right now I’m on a rollercoaster mentally, one that is proving to be quite a white knuckle ride!!
I can totally relate to this. i was diagnosed in November 2015 and still I feel like I don't know myself very well. I think we are like children post diagnosis still trying to discover who we are, i know I'm in there somewhere its just finding me and at times like you say I am a nervous wreck, as I said when I PMd you I am today shaking whilst I type.
As far as I am concerned this is my kindergarten lol
It’s annoying actually as I did have quite a good sense of self, I didn’t when I was younger but I’d come through all of that. Now it’s been thrown into complete disarray again! Yes I totally agree that we are like children post diagnosis. I keep repeating to people recently that I feel like a new born in autistic terms, I’m having to learn everything from scratch in this new world that I’ve entered but it’s a very interesting; fascinating and intriguing world. All this learning is giving me brain ache at the moment though, there’s just too much to process! I like the concept of the NAS forum being your kindergarten, it is for me too in a way. I’m sorry to hear that you’re shaking while you type today though. Is there anything that would make that better? I’m going to do some beading tonight as that helps my brain to relax.