Published on 12, July, 2020
My username shows that I have had enough with sending cards just because tradition says a particular date has come round again.
Now it’s mother’s day & it’s nagging at me. I do not want to send anything to my mother. Yet I often cave in because I feel so guilty if I don’t.
Anyone else get this?
i have a particular issue with my mum as I feel she has never properly listened to me and when she did listen she always made it about her. I don’t know if it’s possible that my personality makes me see her as a narcissist (only two other people agree) but that’s how I see her.
i don’t want to give in!
I don’t send cards, unless I feel like it, which isn’t very often and I don’t buy presents etc for Christmas or birthdays, unless again, I feel moved to. My son is horrified that I don’t buy presents for the kids at Christmas and birthdays so he actually buys presents and pretends they’re from me! People still buy me gifts and cards and I accept that now, and they accept that I don’t buy cards and presents, except my son when it comes to the kids, but that’s his problem, not mine. I love my mother dearly and don’t feel the need to wait until Mother’s Day to let her know. I treat her when I feel like it or when I see something I know she’ll like or like to do. But it’s the same with anything, I don’t do anything I don’t want to do and only do what I love to do. I like to keep things simple because my mind can complicate even the simplest of things so keeping it simple works for me.
I enjoy receiving gifts and cards and think it’s a lovely way to show love, gratitude and appreciation but I don’t run on the masses rhythm of life so Mother’s Day etc might not come on a convenient day for me but if it did, I would happily buy gifts and cards. I think it’s a lovely way to show love and appreciation and I do it, but at times that seem random to other people. For example, I’m about to send a card of gratitude and appreciation to the psychiatrist who diagnosed me and to let him know how well I’m doing and that I have at least 18 months of weekly support now. I’m also going to send a card to the lady who works at the council who used to give me food stamps. I want to thank her and let her know how much they helped and how I don’t need them now. I like sending cards, letters and gifts to show my appreciation. It gives me as much pleasure to send as it does to receive and if some people need a special day to remind them of how special some people are to them, then I’m all for it.
I'm the same now. No presents at Christmas or birthdays. I do send cards, though, on those occasions. The presents thing is a conditioned expectation, I always think. I'll give a spontaneous gift to someone if I feel like it, but never because it's 'expected' as a custom. It all feels a bit empty and meaningless if done in that way. Similarly, I don't feel comfortable receiving gifts if they're given out of custom, rather than genuinely given. Quite often, people I didn't see from one year's end to the next would buy me things at Christmas that I had no use for. The charity shops always did quite well out of me in the New Year.
I always bought nice gifts for my mother when she was alive, though - because she was so special to me, and I wanted her to have nice things that she could treasure. I didn't need to give them to her for her to know that I loved her, though. And last Christmas I gave a gift to her sister - someone I'd never bought a Christmas gift for before. It was only because I was traveling to visit her, though. It was a candid photograph I'd taken of her and mum a couple of summers before mum passed away. It was taken on a special happy day they'd spent together - one of the last they shared. I framed it in a beautiful frame that I bought for just a small amount in a charity shop. She was over the moon with it. And it was special for her, as I know how much she misses mum. As do I. This Mother's Day, I'll visit the spot where mum's ashes are scattered and say a few words to her, as I do each week. I usually take a rubbish sack with me and tidy the area up if it needs it, to keep it special.
Next week is World Autism Awareness Week. I see that cards are available for that, too...