Published on 12, July, 2020
I sometimes find other people's perceptions of a situation absolutely baffling. And a recent situation is really bugging me because I really don't see how the other people's point of view made sense yet I was on my own with my point of view so evidently once again its me with the issue.
I'm quite protective of my possessions. They are very important to me. I guess this is an ASC thing. Because of this, I HATE lending people things. However, I found myself in a situation where a friend wanted to read a book I'd just read and asked if they could borrow it. I said they could even though I didn't really want to because I didn't want to appear like I was being awkward. She read the book and then said another friend who I also know had wanted to read it so she would pass it on to her. I was a bit uneasy about this but nothing I could do.
I let time go by for a bit and heard nothing about the book so asked the second friend if they'd read it yet. She said the first friend never gave it to her. I asked the first friend the next time I saw her. There was a group of us. She was very offhand and didn't seem to know whether she still had it or not. As the conversation went on, she quite bluntly said "Well did you want it back?" I said "Of course I did because it was mine." She seemed baffled by this. Someone else said "Well you're never going to read it again." And then another person said "If I leant someone a book, I'd just expect them to keep it."
My mind at this point was just repeatedly going "It's mine! It's mine! It's mine!" I couldn't even slightly understand their point of view at all. They didn't see why I had an issue with the situation. Am I the only one baffled by this situation? And does anyone else find themselves in these situations where there point of view is different but the other people's point of views make absolutely no sense?
There's multiple things happening here. First is the ASD person's overblown sense of social justice - this person said borrow so they created a contract with you and they have modified the contract without informing you. It's wrong and you should be annoyed.
There's also a deep, primal urge that is similar to a lion owning its kill. It worked hard to take the animal down and would only want to share the resource (the book) with it's own pride - there is no genetic advantage to sharing with the hyenas. A hyena has taken your book and the lion in you wants it back.
There's also the nest building urge - you have collected all the things together to feather your nest (your home) and make you comfortable and safe - and someone has stolen something from you - it's not right and you should go and pinch something from their nest as a hostage. Maybe their first born or their car?
It would really tick me off too - it's why I never lend - I'd rather give. I'm afraid you may need to write the book off in the name of maintaining friendship but learn from this - and look on ebay for a cheap replacement book.
Yes I definitely struggle with anything to do with justice.
I really did laugh at pinching something from their nest- first born or car. Hahaha!
I don't think it helps either that because I struggle with people my items are more important to me than for those that get on with people easily.