Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, sorry in advance for moaning. I'm feeling really fragile these last few days. I don't like admitting to not coping, as anyone that knows me would tell you, I'm a coper, I just pull my socks up and get on with whatever life throws at me. 'S£$% happens, you've just got to get on with it' is one of the many life quotes that I live by. But I'm struggling at the moment. For years I've spent most of my time feeling nothing, and that's been a comfortable way to feel, better than feeling sad. Following my diagnosis I still felt nothing, I thought that I'd taken to having ASD like a duck takes to water. I was aware of an accelerated amount of cognitive processing happening but no emotion. Now the emotion has decided to hit me and my anxiety level has gone through the roof. I just feel like tiny, insignificant, pathetic excuse of a human being. I'm overwhelmed with the amount of processing that I'm having to do: forming new cognitive schemas of myself in line with having ASD, thinking over everything that has happened all through my life; thinking about all the symptoms of ASD that I have been aware of since early child that are now amalgamated into the single entity of having ASD. There's far too much reshuffling of concepts and ideas going on in my head at the moment. Following diagnosis it felt as though everything in my new life as a woman on the spectrum started happening really fast, it's snowballed, there's too much to process and too little time. How have other people coped with the adjustment phase and how long does it last?
Hi Kitsun, firstly don't apologize. I feel so fragile sometimes I cant even make it into work or college.
I feel very upset at the moment and sometimes I feel that it is reassuring that I am not the only one feeling this way.
Emotions seem to drain me Physically not just because I have ASD but also because I have Elerhs Danlos Syndrome.
It can get to the point when things get extremely painful, even at one stage I have had to use walking sticks. Life can be a nightmare sometimes when you have ASD and all of the comorbids that go hand in hand with it. That's why I guess you feel so snowballed. You know you are not alone.
You'll find everyone on here has felt the same way at least once in their lives, sometimes its hard to be yourself when '@S£$ happens. We all need our down time. I'm overthinking everything right now too, I feel that I need more support at the moment from people around me sometimes it feels like I'm hanging from a thread. I have been feeling this way since before my diagnosis and sometimes medication and talking therapies can help.
I found that my diagnosis was empowering for me because I got diagnosed at 19 after being through a hell of an early life. If I was never diagnosed I would have been locked up for MH issues, and even though both events have occured in my life at least I knew I was different and that my specific needs needent always be a hindrance and sometimes they can be a great strength, even though at college people see it as something that is "Wrong" with me, my family is proud of how I've coped with this mountain of stress. Try and make light of the situation- I know its hard but diagnosis can be encouraging even though sometimes its not the light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you for sharing your experience and I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling fragile too at the moment. Incidentally I was reading something the other day about the possible link between ASD and Elerhs Danlos Syndrome, it sounds very painful, do you find that your ASD makes you more sensitive to pain? Co-morbids sure do complicate matters! I have my own co-morbid and it makes me a lot more 'neurologically complex' than I would be without it. Our tendency to over think overthink everything doesn't help does it? I hate going into overthinking mode though I'm better at managing it than I used to be, except when I'm trying to get to sleep! I was nearly 38 when I got diagnosed, I've spent my life until then thinking there was something 'wrong' with me or that I was just a complete weirdo so it's a relief to finally have an explanation, but an adjustment too none the less.
in reply to @Kitsun - Yes EDS is very painful and yes ASD does make people more sensitive to pain. However, you are a strong person to be coping as well as you are. I find it hard to sleep most nights and when I do I dream heavily about stupid things and occasionally have nightmares. I was 19 when I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I agree very strongly with you. Keep positive and try and get an assessment for EDS at Kings College, London.
I did wonder if the two might interact and complicate each other. I don't have EDS, for my co-morbid see below for my reply to bookworm. I wish I'd been diagnosed when I was younger but I can't change the past. Thank you for your kind words. You keep positive too :-)