Hi everyone, sorry in advance for moaning. I'm feeling really fragile these last few days. I don't like admitting to not coping, as anyone that knows me would tell you, I'm a coper, I just pull my socks up and get on with whatever life throws at me. 'S£$% happens, you've just got to get on with it' is one of the many life quotes that I live by. But I'm struggling at the moment. For years I've spent most of my time feeling nothing, and that's been a comfortable way to feel, better than feeling sad. Following my diagnosis I still felt nothing, I thought that I'd taken to having ASD like a duck takes to water. I was aware of an accelerated amount of cognitive processing happening but no emotion. Now the emotion has decided to hit me and my anxiety level has gone through the roof. I just feel like tiny, insignificant, pathetic excuse of a human being. I'm overwhelmed with the amount of processing that I'm having to do: forming new cognitive schemas of myself in line with having ASD, thinking over everything that has happened all through my life; thinking about all the symptoms of ASD that I have been aware of since early child that are now amalgamated into the single entity of having ASD. There's far too much reshuffling of concepts and ideas going on in my head at the moment. Following diagnosis it felt as though everything in my new life as a woman on the spectrum started happening really fast, it's snowballed, there's too much to process and too little time. How have other people coped with the adjustment phase and how long does it last?
I think it's fairly common to be up and down and round in circles after a diagnosis. Even if you knew it was coming, it is still a huge event in our lives.
Perhaps you need to slow down a bit? It sounds like you are getting overwhelmed. I can relate to having far too much going on in my head. I find it helps to get lost in one of my hobbies/special interests when this happens.
I remember feeling really upset when I got diagnosed with Asperger's 17 years ago. I think it took me about a year maybe to come to terms with it.
If you think about it objectively I think anyone is overwhelmed when they're diagnosed with something they never expected. I suppose what I'm trying to say is it's fine to feel the way you do. Change is difficult, it's an essential part of life though, I guess, progress depends on it!
Thank you. Sadly I'm not very good at slowing down a bit, never have been! I think maybe engaging in a hobby to relax might be a good idea.
Very interested in responses to this as I'm in the process of seeing a psychologist. Initially I wasn't bothered about the diagnosis, but starting the process sent me down the 'cognitive overload' process you describe Kitsun ... I had kind of a 'shutdown' last Wednesday, but telling my wife I was struggling, going for a hard running session and letting my psychologist know (ahead of a session on Friday) pulled me round.
I've now decided I want to know 'a' diagnosis - even if it's just "years of low/moderate trauma combined with standard male-pattern repression of emotion"... but I really don't know how that's going to affect me and/or those around me.
Keep your chin up Kitsun , lean on anyone you have, keep talking to us...
Thank you. I don't feel upset as such just overwhelmed by the adjustment process. I don't know why I'm surprised to be honest, of course it was going to hit me at some point, duh me! I think I'm just going to have to deal with feeling wobbly for a while until the dust settles.
Was it you that put up the post about craft activities? I find craft activities can be some of the best things to do when I feel overwhelmed. It takes up all my concentration and I forget about all the the things going round and round in my head.
It would appear that the 'cognitive overload' process is quite a common phenomena then! I'm glad that you managed to pull yourself out of your shutdown. Is your wife understanding? I tried talking to my husband the other night, to be fair trying to talk to him about anything after he's had a few beers is pretty pointless, I should have waited until the morning, but I really needed to talk, I started talking, he decided to play me a u-tube clip of a child chanting 'millwall, millwall, millwall, eff you' because it was supposed to lighten the mood apparently (drunk logic!) It didn't remotely lighten my mood and just annoyed me so I went for a drive instead. Honestly, I can't talk to him about anything, that's why I'm always on here chatting to fellow people with ASD!
I think it helps to get an assessment, to know one way or the other, it saves a lot of 'what ifs'. With regards to how it will affect you and those around you. I don't know, but as you just said to me, lean on people here, keep talking to us :-)
yes, guilty as charged :-) I have been beading more lately and it is a good way to forget about stuff, especially if it's a complicated pattern that I really need to concentrate on. Actually, a friend bought me a new beading pattern for Christmas, I might have a look at that tomorrow
Honestly, she's not terribly understanding... though that sounds harsher than I mean it - I think she can no more easily understand why I was struggling than I can understand why my repacking the dishwasher the 'right' way upsets her so much...
Telling her was more a case of 'using my last spoon' to try to buy me some time/space to hopefully recharge.
If going for a drive is something you find helpful then that sounds like you did the right thing.
Ah but dishwashers and draining boards have to packed the right way or things don't get washed/drained properly, everyone on here knows that.
Going for a drive is helpful to me as I can shut my brain off while I'm driving, not the bits that I need to drive safely obviously, I just mean it allows me to refocus and calm down a bit