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processing diagnosis

Zakybi

Hi,

So I am not actually sure what I am looking for but I guess a bit of reassurance that what am feeling is normal.

I opted for a private diagnosis, I  had my initial assessment on Friday,  on the way to the appointment I was very anxious but during the appointment I was okay, the conclusion I had quite a few autistic traits and if a proceed to a  full diagnosis mostly on the spectrum.

Even though it was what I was hoping for, I finally have an answer to why I am the way I am, and that my struggles are real and normal for an autistic person.

I should be happy but am not (I was recovering from a burn out and doing much better) but I am starting to feeling down again, I guess from the realisation I am not gonna snap out of it maybe, not quite sure, but since that appointment feeling alittle lost, When I did not think it would effect me,

  • Since I was told I started really positively.

    I was very grateful for my of a Super Power which means I can rationalise pretty well everything to a point of reason and logic. I've not met an NT who can get near me in this regard, so I know I will always function in the top few percent of people and never have many of the worries that other people may have.

    Then you realise what you are missing. And then you realise that you don't know what you might be missing.... and this is heartbreaking and very distressing.

    I know I am missing empathy. I have many points which prove it. But what do I feel when my 18 month old falls over and bangs his head? I'm distressed that he might have done himself harm and there may be a consequence to his action which could affect his life. But do I feel sympathy? I don't know. If I am honest I doubt it. and then I am distressed that I don't 'love' my son. But I must! Surely! I would do anything for him! But how do I know? How the heck do I find the answer? My Super Power for reason and logic defeats me. It's cruel.

  • in reply to Zakybi

    Yes, honour your feelings and allow yourself to work through your emotional responses at your own pace.  Whatever bubbles up, bubbles up. I

    It might be our expectations that complicate things.  I suppose that it's in our nature to anticipate and plan but it seems to me we're on uncharted territory with individual responses to a diagnosis that relates to our very identity.  

  • in reply to Jenny Butterfly
    Jenny Butterfly said:
    don't think there are any "shoulds" when it comes to these feelings. 

    That very true, I am just rubbish at understanding, processing or expressing the way am feeling most of the time its just not feeling right which ends confuses me.

    but I guess I should just allow myself to feel, instead of questioning it.




  • in reply to Jenny Butterfly

    ps, i do alot of walking which propl help me to forget things,

  • I was diagnosed last October and, in spite of thinking that I would have wholly positive feelings, it's so far been very mixed.  I think that I naively thought that, since my main motivation in getting a diagnosis was to find out whether autism was in our family and thereby be in a better position to help my sons, my own feelings were secondary.  But in fact when they told me I could feel my eyes welling up, it seemed so momentous.

    Overall I would still say that I feel more positive than negative but it feels as though my mind is reshuffling itself in the light of this new information.  And it might take a while to process it.  I don't think there are any "shoulds" when it comes to these feelings.  I'm like a system that's gone offline.  Reprocessing...  Reprocessing...

  • in reply to NAS51323

    I guess will take time a lot of time then, not sure what gave me the idea I will be okay once I got answers.,Gyms really good I need to start again myself I did used to go and found it helped me with anxiety.

  • in reply to qwerty

    True I guess it is lot to process mentally, I was just naïve enough to think it wouldn't effect me other then in a positive way of finally understanding myself.

  • in reply to qwerty

    Hi, I was diagnosis with A.S.D in September last year..Am still getting my head around it all as it took a hell of of a long time. to try and find out. if only i was diagnosis as a young child. but this was propl now much talk about back in the 70`s or 80`s then i would understand more and things might of turn out different. i just try to carry on as normal. ive got no one only family and i go to gym nearly everyday, just to get out of the flat. i am thinking of joining a group for A.S.D but am not so good with communicating only to the people around me and friends. i see

  • I haven't had my final assessment yet, but somehow I always imagined I will be sad if I do get a positive diagnosis. And there are so many reasons for it. Firstly, it will be a big change. Next, I will be sad that it took so long to get a diagnosis, and life would have been easier if I was diagnosed as a child. And furthermore, I would be having a lot of extra burden having to decide carefully to whom I disclose this information.

    I think logically, getting a diagnosis wouldn't change anything about who you are, as it's just extra information. But it could have a large impact on how you feel for various reasons.