Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
So I am not actually sure what I am looking for but I guess a bit of reassurance that what am feeling is normal.I opted for a private diagnosis, I had my initial assessment on Friday, on the way to the appointment I was very anxious but during the appointment I was okay, the conclusion I had quite a few autistic traits and if a proceed to a full diagnosis mostly on the spectrum.
Even though it was what I was hoping for, I finally have an answer to why I am the way I am, and that my struggles are real and normal for an autistic person.
I should be happy but am not (I was recovering from a burn out and doing much better) but I am starting to feeling down again, I guess from the realisation I am not gonna snap out of it maybe, not quite sure, but since that appointment feeling alittle lost, When I did not think it would effect me,
I was diagnosed last October and, in spite of thinking that I would have wholly positive feelings, it's so far been very mixed. I think that I naively thought that, since my main motivation in getting a diagnosis was to find out whether autism was in our family and thereby be in a better position to help my sons, my own feelings were secondary. But in fact when they told me I could feel my eyes welling up, it seemed so momentous.
Overall I would still say that I feel more positive than negative but it feels as though my mind is reshuffling itself in the light of this new information. And it might take a while to process it. I don't think there are any "shoulds" when it comes to these feelings. I'm like a system that's gone offline. Reprocessing... Reprocessing...
Jenny Butterfly said: don't think there are any "shoulds" when it comes to these feelings.
That very true, I am just rubbish at understanding, processing or expressing the way am feeling most of the time its just not feeling right which ends confuses me.but I guess I should just allow myself to feel, instead of questioning it.
Yes, honour your feelings and allow yourself to work through your emotional responses at your own pace. Whatever bubbles up, bubbles up. I
It might be our expectations that complicate things. I suppose that it's in our nature to anticipate and plan but it seems to me we're on uncharted territory with individual responses to a diagnosis that relates to our very identity.