Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
So I am not actually sure what I am looking for but I guess a bit of reassurance that what am feeling is normal.I opted for a private diagnosis, I had my initial assessment on Friday, on the way to the appointment I was very anxious but during the appointment I was okay, the conclusion I had quite a few autistic traits and if a proceed to a full diagnosis mostly on the spectrum.
Even though it was what I was hoping for, I finally have an answer to why I am the way I am, and that my struggles are real and normal for an autistic person.
I should be happy but am not (I was recovering from a burn out and doing much better) but I am starting to feeling down again, I guess from the realisation I am not gonna snap out of it maybe, not quite sure, but since that appointment feeling alittle lost, When I did not think it would effect me,
I was diagnosed last October and, in spite of thinking that I would have wholly positive feelings, it's so far been very mixed. I think that I naively thought that, since my main motivation in getting a diagnosis was to find out whether autism was in our family and thereby be in a better position to help my sons, my own feelings were secondary. But in fact when they told me I could feel my eyes welling up, it seemed so momentous.
Overall I would still say that I feel more positive than negative but it feels as though my mind is reshuffling itself in the light of this new information. And it might take a while to process it. I don't think there are any "shoulds" when it comes to these feelings. I'm like a system that's gone offline. Reprocessing... Reprocessing...
ps, i do alot of walking which propl help me to forget things,