Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve yet to have my diagnosis so lurk around the internet trying to persuade myself I am not a fraud, or a non autistic person that can’t get her s**t together.
I Wish there was a clearer definition and a name for this condition / disorder that doesn’t include autism. It’s not that I don’t want the autism label but I feel that, without a definition of the fundamentals that put us all on the spectrum in varying degrees, trying to explain myself to anyone (and fundamentally to myself) is difficult. Throughout the course of a month I can appear very normal and handle things (people, noise, stress etc) , to escaping my work at 5 with as little interaction as possible and saying random things to myself in my flat to vent what I haven’t said heoughout the day. If I discuss this with anyone close to me they say ‘aw I do that’ or ‘everyone has their little idiosyncrasies’. More doubt...
I would prefer it if this part of the spectrum could be better defined and named. The part of the spectrum that includes the females who don’t have special interests, can make eye contact and don’t stim. No great intelligence / IQ. Those that, although they can’t, would like to communicate better.
Wouldn’t directing people to the help they specifically need be easier if ASD was better defined? Or disorders named. And taken off the spectrum?
I find the fact that it’s so difficult for practitioners to identify (in women) disheartening and it doesn’t fill my confidence. Surely better definitions would make research and identifying support much easier too?
You can call it what you want but it doesn’t change anything and that’s what we’re after, to change the way we interact with the world so we can live a peaceful, happy, joyful, fulfilling life. And you can give a person all the help in the world, but if they’re not ready for it, it will be pretty darn useless. And those who are ready for help, will get it, regardless of their situation, because they won’t stop until they do get it. It took me 51 years but I am now, very gratefully, getting the specialist support I need.
And we all worry and stress like hell over our assessment/diagnosis, there seems to be no way around that, but to maybe identify with others going through the same thing. At least, that’s what helped me ~ binge watching autistic youtubers and reading stories and books and post diagnosis, when I was suicidal, I found this site, which has been a blessing ever since. And most of us stress about our diagnosis even after we get it, for a while anyway. I’m 15 months post diagnosis and haven’t fully processed the whole thing yet, but I’m well on my way. I’m fact, I’d probably say, I’m more integrating what I’ve learned now, etc.
I do dislike the terms high and low functioning autism though as they really don’t mean anything much at all. They’re a bit silly really, but they can, sort of, come in handy for ease of communication sometimes. But I don’t tend to use them.