Isolated and suicidal

I have no friends at all anymore, i spend 97% of my time without seeing another human face. Perhaps dignitas could help me. There has to be a point where i call it a day.

Since my daughter died my social skills have evapourated entirely. I am retreating further and further into myself. 

The future is bleak. I have no other children. No one seems to understand me. I am becoming agrophobic. I am a shadow of the person i used to be.

I am quite scared of the act of killing myself but if it where a button i could press that just turned out the lights, i would press it.

My isolation is near 100% complete. My mother and father (separated) support me but they cannot give me what i feel i need.  If people could get by with the social interactions of their parents alone i could probably manage.  I enjoy there company but after an hour or two i just feel i want to retreat to my home, lock the door and close the curtains.

This battle with depression has raged all my life and now with the magnitude of set backs ive experienced over the last couple of years, i feel the peak of my life has passed.

I honestly feel that the end for me is coming. Any attempt on my own life will not be a cry for help. It will be a very deliberate attempt.  This is more than just depression. I do not see the logic in suffering for another 20-30 years.  What purpose would it serve.  The only people that would miss me are my parents.

I just wish i had a way of ending the suffering without suffering. Hence the dignitas reference.  

I do want to die