Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
So I average about 1/2 meltdowns a week. How about you guys?
I can kind of recognise when I am about to fall down the rabbit hole. I try to isolate myself and then start to stim.
Also my meltdown cycle is; anxiety, frustration/anger, despair then a feeling of emptiness for a few days.
Can I ask a question please? I never used to think that I had melt downs as I don’t hit myself around the head or anything BUT what I do get, if I get overwhelmed by stressors is I’ll start crying, like proper sobbing for well over an hour, longer if people in my house are being stupid and continuing to put pressure on me. While I’m in that state I get really dark thoughts of wanting to end my life and stuff, I’m not suicidal it’s just at the time it’s a impulsive thought as it’s the only way I can think of to escape the overwhelming situation that I’m in at that time. The only way I can calm down and stop thinking such thoughts and stop sobbing uncontrollably is to just be on my own in a quiet place away from everyone and everything. Afterwards I tend to need to distract myself, maybe by reading or something, just to snap my mind out of it. Is this like a mild type of meltdown or am I just being a total drama queen?
This is definitely what happens to me when I am feeling overwhelmed. I was just like you - I didn't think my crying episodes could count as meltdowns as I'd heard of them being much more extreme in others. Sensory overload and people putting too much pressure on me to do things I'm not capable of are my top triggers. At one point in my life, I was bursting into tears all over the place! I think I made my doctor and dentist feel quite awkward...
Thankfully, things are much better now and I don't have many meltdowns.
Yes, mine was sceptical too - when I pointed out the research she just said they had to go with existing checklists. They diagnosed me all the same though.
Yeah, you wonder if we had presented symptoms in a different way the ASD would have been picked up earlier! You're right, it would be great if professionals could broaden their awareness of how ASD presents; I remember the psychologist who carried out my diagnosis was very sceptical about different female presentation (I am female!) which is a bit worrying.
No problem :-) Thank you for posting your question, it really helps me by hearing other people's experiences.
I’m glad things are much better for you now.
its both amazing and also quite sad, all is late diagnosed with ASD, suffering all these symptoms all our lives trying to work out why? Not thinking it quite fits with ASD. Are you female btw? As I did a lot of reading pre-diagnosis into how ASD presents differently in women and being on this forum I can see how in real terms that is the case. So much more needs to be done to raise awareness of female ASD presentation, with schools/health care professionals etc all being aware that it’s not just the classic male presentation to look out for
Thank you for sharing your experiences, it helps to validate my own experiences