Serial obsessions

Hi,

Yes I'm very much in this mold too and have been since a kid, the main difference being I don't often sell the hobby equipment off hence we have quite a cluttered house but at least when I revisit a hobby I usually have some kit to work with. Like you I did short wave radio and have my amateur license (although I never got into the transmission side, I'm more into listening). I was massively into TV-DXing and still tinker with it but there arent many analogue VHF stations on air now so I'm more into FM radio DX these days. I also play guitar and tinker with their electronics, hot rod them, build my own pedal boards etc. I have played in bands on and off since my teens something I have a love hate relationship with as I love the actual playing but the interpersonal band dynamics have always been a nightmare, of course since my diagnosis l know why now. I'm also big into collecting music both on audio and video. Some hobbies have completely gone by the wayside and probably wont return such as fishing but that it more to do with my back problems than a loss of interest and if I were fitter I may still have been active.

I have never had problems with addiction in the absence of a passion, I tend to fall into depression and become a hermit, I'm kind of in that phase now sadly. 

Maybe your particular addiction is depression? You wouldn’t be alone, lots of people share this addiction. 

I know depression is very common but I have never heard it described as an addiction before.

No, I’m done with addictions. But I am always cautious none the less so no, I’m definitely not offended. I’m grateful for your concern. Thank you. I’ve been using drugs since I was a kid, so I have got a lot of affection and love for them and a kind of connection with them that will probably never be broke, but I use them wisely and spareingly these days and with respect and my intention is to be drug free, but that needs to be built back up again with the meditation etc. That’l all come together this year though, and generally whenever I start running and get back into regular excercise, I stop smoking. So it all comes together at the right time, when I get out the way and let things simply be as they are :)

Lost one of my little brothers to it and it got the other locked up for 4 years I saw them repeatedly decide to stop but couldn't cope with the physical withdrawals. 

Please be careful with the ritalin as it seems you are replacing one addiction with another 

I am probably wrong so please don't be offended 

Yeah, most of my friends are dead through its use  but it's usually by od or too pure a batch.  I don't know how I was saved, but I was, so I just accept that now. The temptation to use again is always there though, because the benefits are so great. Heroin was, until I had a Ritalin, my favourite drug of all. It was my number 1 drug of choice.

Unfortunately some people can't cope with the pain and the endless cycle kills them or the drugs do depends on your perspective 

... untill you get to the end and realise the other person didn't have a clue what you we're  talking about ‍♀️

The pain and suffering or the 'ratling' as we call it, never caused me to not stop using heroin. For some reason, I'm ok with a lot of pain. I used to use it for the glorious comfort it gave me. It was by far my favourite drug which has only recently been replaced in the number 1 spot, by Ritalin. 

I don't think anything can be cured by possitive thinking. I'm not even sure it can do any good at all and if it can, it must only be temporary. I've never seen the attraction to positive thinking. It seems more like trickery to me. 

No a heroin addict is fulfilling a physical addiction as well as a mental one. They can choose to stop but the body causes them so much pain and suffering that it is almost impossible to stop despite what you are thinking, this in turn causes depression and makes it harder to stop. 

I agree feeling down can be helped by positive thinking but depression can not be cured by it helped and managed yes cured no.

This is a very interesting discussion between BlueRay and Binary, which I must admit I've skimmed a little as there are lots of words!

I wanted to chime in as I've suffered both classic depression and some addictions, and I would say that whilst I think there are some differences, both depression and addiction are *adaptations* of a kind; responses to something.

Exercising choice in either case is hugely difficult, but part of the recovery.

In fact, in my depression (maybe not addiction) I found that exercising choice was one of the keys to recovery, starting with trivial choices like "I'm going to make a cup of coffee", doing it, enjoying it. Then building up to bigger choices.

Every time you do it, you are doing something called pattern interupt, with regards to brain plasticity. So don’t worry, the amount of effort you have to put in, fades over time. 

Yes, in AA, we say that going into our minds, is like going into Beirut, don’t go alone and don’t go unharmed :) ~ and don’t let anybody live there, rent free ;) 

My counsellor didn't say to stop thinking about it - sort of the reverse, ie stop *trying* and failing to stop thinking about it. She said to let feelings come, not be afraid of drowning, let the feelings take up all the space they need and eventually they will just naturally ebb and let you move on. I've found this to be true. I now use a meditation app - it starts by asking me to name what I feel [well, pass on that one], then talks you through just letting it be what it is. I find if I'm willing to ride out the storm of chaotic anxious feelings they gradually just fade and I'm able to stop obsessing mentally too. It's not a one-off, you have to do it every time feelings are getting out of hand. I find it's not actually necessary to understand *what* I feel as long as I give the nameless misery lots of room to just blow itself out.

Sometimes I kinda resent the constant effort but find it worthwhile.

Think meditation app helps, I just ignore techniqes I can't do and just do what I can - but I just find the instructor's voice makes me feek safer. Joan Rivers once quipped she needs a shrink cos "my mind is like a bad neighbourhood - I'm not going in alone" ;)

All I’m basically saying. Is I discovered, through overcoming several addictions and other things, including depression, that when I believe my thoughts, I suffer. And when I don’t, I don’t suffer. I experience the opposite. But only, 100% of the time :) 

I know it’s difficult for most people to understand. I don’t try and get people to understand me. They either do or they don’t. This is just how I experience the world. And if people really want to know what I’m talking about, they hang in there, until. That’s the magic word ~ ‘until’. If we want something. Anything. Whether to be free from depression or heroin or anything else, if we want something, we keep going ‘until’ we get it, no matter how long it takes. 

I wanted to be free from crippling drug addiction. I was homeless, on the streets. I had had my son taken off me. And one day I had simply had enough. And from that point on. I turned my life around. It’s taken 13 years, but all the hard work was worth it. 

I am so confused. Sorry. I have absolutely no idea what you are trying to say.

I never said I could stop myself from having emotional responses to things. Why would I even want to do that? I love my emotions. They’re often what direct me in life. I wouldn’t want to control neither my feelings nor my thoughts. 

EVERYTHING we do, has a benefit. You might not see it. But it’s there. We are benefits driven creatures. 

Many people enjoy the secondary benefits of depression. Such as, entry to an exclusive club, something that non depressives can’t be part of. For as long as you are depressed, you have friends in your group, who will empathise with you. Keep you company etc. This might be the most company a person has ever had. Even if they don’t actually speak to a person. Depressed people often find it comforting to read stories of other depressed people. There are lots of benefits. 

It means you never fail. Because if you’re too depressed to do anything, you will therefore, avoid the risk of failure, that engulfs all of us when we think about doing something new. So depression can help us by not allowing us to even try something new. 

I am simply no longer depressed. I discovered the cause of my depression, and removed it. I didn’t gloss over it. I didn’t play tricks by using positive thinking and other such methods. I simply found the cause and removed it. It wasn’t anything outside of me. I removed the cause from within me. So these things can never return. 

I never said I could stop myself from having emotional responses to things. Why would I even want to do that? I love my emotions. They’re often what direct me in life. I wouldn’t want to control neither my feelings nor my thoughts. 

EVERYTHING we do, has a benefit. You might not see it. But it’s there. We are benefits driven creatures. 

Many people enjoy the secondary benefits of depression. Such as, entry to an exclusive club, something that non depressives can’t be part of. For as long as you are depressed, you have friends in your group, who will empathise with you. Keep you company etc. This might be the most company a person has ever had. Even if they don’t actually speak to a person. Depressed people often find it comforting to read stories of other depressed people. There are lots of benefits. 

It means you never fail. Because if you’re too depressed to do anything, you will therefore, avoid the risk of failure, that engulfs all of us when we think about doing something new. So depression can help us by not allowing us to even try something new. 

I am simply no longer depressed. I discovered the cause of my depression, and removed it. I didn’t gloss over it. I didn’t play tricks by using positive thinking and other such methods. I simply found the cause and removed it. It wasn’t anything outside of me. I removed the cause from within me. So these things can never return. 

All I’m basically saying. Is I discovered, through overcoming several addictions and other things, including depression, that when I believe my thoughts, I suffer. And when I don’t, I don’t suffer. I experience the opposite. But only, 100% of the time :) 

I know it’s difficult for most people to understand. I don’t try and get people to understand me. They either do or they don’t. This is just how I experience the world. And if people really want to know what I’m talking about, they hang in there, until. That’s the magic word ~ ‘until’. If we want something. Anything. Whether to be free from depression or heroin or anything else, if we want something, we keep going ‘until’ we get it, no matter how long it takes. 

I wanted to be free from crippling drug addiction. I was homeless, on the streets. I had had my son taken off me. And one day I had simply had enough. And from that point on. I turned my life around. It’s taken 13 years, but all the hard work was worth it. 

I am so confused. Sorry. I have absolutely no idea what you are trying to say.