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Undiagnosed autism

NAS50581
over 5 years ago

Hi all

I wonder if anyone has any advice on my situation. I have lived with my husband for 15 years and we have had a very difficult relationship. I am on the autistic spectrum (although not diagnosed) and he frequently refers to this and complains about my autistic behaviour making his life difficult. We are about to embark on our third attempt at couple counselling. On our first visit I explained that I was on the spectrum and that my husband found this difficult and the counsellor said , 'Yes there is definitely autism in the room,' Later on the penny finally dropped- my husband has undiagnosed autism and for inexplicable reasons ( as I frequently work with autistic clients) I have failed to realise it. He has every single symptom of high functioning autism ( although actually he really doesn't function because of his disorganisation and distractibility) My husband cannot accept responsibility for his conduct and is hypersensitive to criticism. He will find it impossible to accept the suggestion that his conduct plays any role in our marital problems. I am fearful of the counsellor suggesting this to him as I know he will take it extremely badly and he is already depressed.

Any advice would be most welcome

Parents
  • over 5 years ago

    What are your husband's goals?

    If he has no independence and is treated like a child if he makes a mistake, what is he supposed to do to feel valuable?

    I totally understand the Aspie need to have everything controllable and predictable, so how do you deal with your children's unpredictability?

Reply
  • over 5 years ago

    What are your husband's goals?

    If he has no independence and is treated like a child if he makes a mistake, what is he supposed to do to feel valuable?

    I totally understand the Aspie need to have everything controllable and predictable, so how do you deal with your children's unpredictability?

Children
  • over 5 years ago in reply to Plastic

    You are right about me treating him like a child and I agree I need help to stop that. If we hadn't had a child I would have left long ago but really I suspect the problem is that we didn't have effective counselling sooner.

    My children have been a huge challenge and I am not a natural parent but I have never been their main carer. Of course they are hugely rewarding and I am relieved to find that they all seem pretty stable.