Published on 12, July, 2020
does anyone else get like this? I have got on brilliantly with some of my line managers, if given some freedom to be comfortable and do things my way my work is excellent and I happily do extra, and am still friends with previous managers.
however I have gone through life having huge difficulties if I start feeling trapped. If I’m told I can’t do something, for the sake of being told no, like I view it as them having full control and I start to shut down. I have social conversations with others at work, but I can’t face even a simple conversation with my line manager. My line manager stares at me and asks question after question about my weekends, my evenings, how I am, what I’m doing that evening. If other people asked me I’d be able to talk to them.
I’ve lost jobs, left jobs and walked out due to this. I do feel bad because my line manager has been in tears and finds my behaviour very upsetting.
Does anyone else have similar struggles?
Read this thread as was weighing up whether to post something going on with me right now, does anyone else get heavily unnerved by topics like these? Am currently in an ESA support group situation but before that for over 10 years was in a job situation, undiagnosed and with no idea what was going on other than a constant feeling to get out. All that time was spent fighting, was withdrawn, muted at times and it was only getting away from that situation (happened through a redundancy) that I realised how depressed I had actually been, and didn’t know any different.
Rules for no reason, structure, double talk, false y’all, not having things concrete, lies, “just get on with it” etc etc, in 10 years was moved over 10 times and constantly in reviews for performance or in the office. Bad supervisors or managers just led to me defying or becoming withdrawn from it all, yet still kept going every day due to not knowing any different. Didn’t eat didn’t sleep for most of it, would close myself off until day off, be ok for half a day then feel awful about having to go again. Remember once after a holiday saying to someone I could have cried my eyes out at the thought of going back.
Going to cut this short as it would all come back again (trauma has stayed even now) but for some NT situations just aren’t the way forwards for growth and perspective. Insteresring that others describe this too here.
Wow, that's awful to read you went through that for 10 years. And so grateful you shared as it so I know there are others out there with this constant feeling of needing to get out. In my previous role I sat by myself and just got on with the work they gave me. I made a lot of friends, and I have done in my current role, but as soon as demands are made or I get uncomfortable I just get that feeling of shutting down and needing to get out of it all. I know physically I'm stressed, and mentally I'm exhausted by the end of the week. But I need to make money, and I'm capable of the work, and I really want this to work out.
How is your employment situation now?