Published on 12, July, 2020
does anyone else get like this? I have got on brilliantly with some of my line managers, if given some freedom to be comfortable and do things my way my work is excellent and I happily do extra, and am still friends with previous managers.
however I have gone through life having huge difficulties if I start feeling trapped. If I’m told I can’t do something, for the sake of being told no, like I view it as them having full control and I start to shut down. I have social conversations with others at work, but I can’t face even a simple conversation with my line manager. My line manager stares at me and asks question after question about my weekends, my evenings, how I am, what I’m doing that evening. If other people asked me I’d be able to talk to them.
I’ve lost jobs, left jobs and walked out due to this. I do feel bad because my line manager has been in tears and finds my behaviour very upsetting.
Does anyone else have similar struggles?
Yes I have similar issues. They do not understand. They say I am the difficult one. I was told that iam quick to criticise when someone else does wrong but i do not like being told when iam doing wrong. but if they understood that my issues are autism related. then there would be no issue.
Ex friends that did not understand also used to keep saying. You dont understand that you offend people do you. or are you thick or something.
My Parents do not understand autism and say iam difficult/rude/miserable etc.
I need someone to talk to that understands.
James
Smokey Cockatiel said:I need someone to talk to that understands.
I had 4 months of weekly one to one intensive face to face sessions with an autism plus worker last year, and it changed my life in so many ways and on so many levels.
All we did really, or rather all I did (I did most of the talking) was talk about the things you mentioned and more. It was like finally having somebody to listen to me who understood me, made all the difference in the world.
I have recently been referred back to Autism Plus and this time, I’ll use the sessions for more practical things, such as getting my daily routine together, cleaning my house etc, which is what the other sessions were going to be for, or so I thought!
It turns out that what I really needed, before I could even start taking steps of a practical nature, was somebody to listen to me, who understood me.
So you are definitely barking up the right tree with that statement. It was hard going and it took me another few months to process everything we had talked about etc but I can now see the benefits and like I said, I’m about to take my first baby steps forward, out of this burnout.
You’ve actually made me realise just how important those sessions are. You can self refer if you have the money to pay for the sessions with Autism Plus. I’m not recommending them specifically but I do recommend getting some sessions with somebody who understands.
In one of my previous jobs, I actually had the reverse problem to the one you describe above regarding criticism.
In addition to my own database work, I was also in charge of monitoring data quality generally within the company.
I frequently used to try to reassure people that everyone makes mistakes & that it was just my job to intercept them before they affected customers. I was always so worried about making mistakes in my own work that I used to try to check it many many times before completion & always welcomed the rare occasions when someone found an error in something I had done before it caused any problems.
Sadly, many other people within the company did not have the same constructive attitude & often strongly resented their work being checked. I frequently found serious errors in their work, but their attitude was usually that it didn't matter because the customer probably wouldn't have noticed & that having to repeat the work would make it late.
Even though my position was quite senior, it wasn't really respected within the company. I think they only originally created the role as a publicity stunt & didn't expect me to take it that seriously or to regularly find so many awful mistakes. Eventually I was made redundant, allowing them to return to their usual sloppy work practices uninterrupted.
Throughout my life, I have frequently been criticised for being blunt, but I am always very careful in the language I use to avoid being personally offensive, i.e. I will criticise someone's actions, but I deliberately avoid criticising them as a person. This hasn't stopped people trying to accuse me of being offensive though, but usually this is when their faulty perception has altered my actual words within seconds of hearing them. Luckily I have developed a very good memory for literal conversations & can repeat things back verbatim.
Again, my experience of allegedly normal people is that they are far more offensive & regularly try to win arguments using personal insults rather than facts & logic. Sadly for them, my response to that sort of behaviour is to deconstruct what they said & use their own words back at them in order to demonstrate how rude & unreasonable they are being. This has of course just lead to repeated accusations that I am 'difficult', mostly because am too good at defending myself.
Even I have my triggers though & certain actions will always make me become extremely angry very quickly. I still deliberately avoid resorting to personal insults though, since that only ever demonstrates that you have already lost the argument.