Published on 12, July, 2020
Ok, so here’s the thing.
My boyfriend has aspergers syndrome. He keeps staring at other girls when we go out- and I don’t mean just glaring, lookig, peeking. I mean downright STARING silently at a girl, watching her every move until she leaves his sight.
This makes me a little jealous of course. I don’t mind him looking, because hey I look at guys too, but I don’t stare at them so obviously. I’ve talked to him about this, expressed how I’ve felt when he does this.
He keeps saying he didn’t mean to stare, and that he only wants me, and so on. He also says it’s because of his diagnosis that he’s acting like this. So autism makes guys stare at other girls and flirt with other girls even though he is in a relationship?
Maybe it does? That’s why I’ve come here to ask hopefully other adults who have autism.
Thank you in advanve.
I'm going to be blunt here.
Where do you draw the line between staring, and looking. That's a subjective thing.
People in general tend to look at people they are attracted to, or even interested in a non-sexual way.
I'd say that autism has nothing to do with it either. I certainly wouldn't use it as an excuse myself, but that's just me. As for flirting I think most people with autism struggle with flirting, so I'd kind of rule that out. I'm not 100% sure of your situation, but it's not really a thing. I wouldn't rule it out though.
NAS50448 said:So autism makes guys stare at other girls and flirt with other girls even though he is in a relationship?
No, the will to stare and flirt does, as does the will to see something as staring and flirting. Autism isn't the issue here.
I'd take autism out of the equation, and just talk frankly about it.
Not to mention even NT guys check out other women even if they have a girlfriend
Autistic traits vary enormously in levels, I stare , maybe more than is comfortable, it isn’t to objectify in a sexual way, interest , data , and yes being truthful, why can’t beauty exist in more than one person, doesn’t mean I want that person in any way, it is apparently seen as ok to leer after an unavoidable film star or model, I see that as being unfaithful to the partner, maybe as it is seen unachievable or out of their league it isn’t seen as a challenge so much. Still an insult to the partner,
He does need to see the effect it has on his partner as to exist together and be happy a certain amount of understanding needs to be agreed and worked at, the fact it does upset her and she has told him so he should alter his ways purely as a way of being kind knowing how it effects her, not use his diagnosis as a justification,
she has come here looking for answers, if you like altering her natural ways to try and see his point of view, a partnership has to be worked at by both and flexibility allowed and worked at if both want to be together,
not change completely but see what causes issues and be understanding and care enough to alter ,
thank you cloudy it all helps the op to try and see what may be going on,
take care my friend,
( edited spelling mistakes,)