Confused

Hi.

Your still you the person you have always been a piece of paper is all that is between you.  I fell in love with my husband 37 years ago  he is Asperger.  At times yes difficult we are sometimes on different planets.  Over the years many stormy arguments mainly me (no patience granted) but he has recently been diagnosed and our relationship has improved massively. Mainly due to me understanding my husband and son yes son! deep down I guess looking back now Bingo all made sense.  My son and husband love me so much their thought process a little different.  Are they caring and loving yes again please don't look down on yourself. My husband is great at planning I have no idea of time so great, he has a great sense of humour very intelligent I am scatty l ways miss placing things so he helps me out.   I have anxiety and depression not due to immediate family may I add but I have some great days.  Look for the positives so many different personalities in the world make it colourful not black and white.  Look at the percentage of people on the autism scale millions and millions.  Our daughter has dyslexia a diagnoses blessing to her after years including school bullies. Diagnosed at university it gave her a better grade after staff realized that her work was far better then they first thought.  

Frustrated!!!

Visit doctor today explained about taking too much medication and what the hospital had said and done, outcome sent me home with more medication - assume they just want one less patient on their books !!!!

My problem with the diagnosis is similar. It wasn't an enlightening moment. I'm in mourning for the child I was and the adult I could have been. Getting the diagnosis wasn't a surprise (I was surprised at the severity), and now I don't feel like "me". Add to that the total lack of support and you're left with someone that doesn't know who he is, or what to do next.

I was diagnosed at a very young age (I think I was about 5 years old?) so I don't even remember getting my diagnosis and obviously I wouldn't remember what it feels like to not have the diagnosis. 

However I can completely understand what you mean. If I had only just discovered my diagnosis right now (I'm 25 btw) I think I would be in complete shock and would really struggle to come to terms with it.

Throughout most of my life I tried my hardest to hide my Aspergers from everyone, I was scared people would laugh at me and think I was a freak. I just wanted to be like everyone else. I would even deny I had it to everyone including doctors or counsellors who would try and bring it up! I hated being so different, I hated being me so much I wanted to die. I was ashamed of myself.

Over the past couple of years I've finally accepted the fact I have Aspergers, tbh I'm completely okay with it now. All of my behaviour, thought patterns, personality traits, etc all make sense to me. 

I honestly believe it just takes some time.  

Some GPs can be really hopeless, I've had to deal with some shocking ones over the past few years. It's the last thing you need when you're feeling down and needing help! But there are some lovely doctors out there; do you think you could try seeing someone different? Maybe a friend or family member could help if it feels like too much to deal with by yourself?

Like you, I didn't get any follow-up support after my diagnosis. I was really lucky in that I found a counselling service with Specialist Autism Services: http://www.specialistautismservices.org/york/

I saw a counsellor there for 18months and she helped me understand my autism better, what things could help me stay well, and how to talk about my diagnosis with friends and family. The service is based in Yorkshire but maybe there is something similar near to you? (if you're not in Yorkshire!)

Everyone on this forum is always here if you want to talk about anything :-)

Hi xiv

I think what you say is correct. It's not just about autism though, it's about getting diagnosed with anything because sometimes it can be extremely challenging for both ourselves and the professionals to understand what's going on, then it can be challenging in getting a diagnosis when the professionals, for whatever reason, don't try to properly find out what's going on in order to get some sort of diagnosis. For some people they may never get a diagnosis for conditions, which could require extra help and support yet without a diagnosis they don't get any. The system does have a luck element to it and we are lucky for having received a diagnosis while others don't.

If I'm going to be completely honest then I'm not happy, but I don't see that as a result of my diagnosis. I wasn't happy before my diagnosis and I wasn't happy after my diagnosis. Before my diagnosis I had already come to terms with being different and accepting myself for it, so the diagnosis was just a label to attach to those differences. It didn't actually change the complexities and challenges of life, of others and the world around me. I struggle with those things and in trying to cope with living life but I accept that my power and control over certain things is limited so I just try to live my life as best as I can. In time, such things may change for the better but all I can do is wait and see.

All I can offer is to say that all we can do is try our best to live our lives with whatever challenges we may come across along the way.

Hi

thank you for your kind words

Since diagnosis 5 weeks ago I’ve heard nothing and my GP is a waste of space and couldn’t understand why I was asking what happens next. Maybe she is right when u get diagnosed with say a chest infection you get pills go home and that’s it, I was probably expecting too much.

it has really got me down and the more I have worried about why I’m down the worse I have got. There is only 1 family member that knows about my diagnosis and I feel too nervous to tell anybody else.

im hoping things will get better as I don’t think I could get any lower

Hi Xiv, sorry to hear that you are having a hard time with the diagnosis. Firstly, I agree with what PokemonGoAddict has said, and I think you are a nice and considerate person to think about others who are struggling to get a diagnosis. Regarding your feelings after getting a diagnosis, I find it very understandable. In fact, it's something I have considered for years before I finally made the decision to ask for an assessment. There are many reasons why it's understandably difficult: it's a really big 'change' suddenly having it, it's a confirmation of being different and a confirmation of difficulties in e.g. social communication and sensory issues, and being diagnosed as an adult one would naturally feel sad/angry and wonder if things would have been different if it was noticed earlier. I can understand these feelings. I think what you are feeling makes a lot of sense. Do you have a counsellor to talk to? Someone who specialises in ASD in adults? Perhaps they can help you adjust to the new diagnosis, and point out the positive things about it. Does the diagnosis clinic offer any follow-up consultations? I think it'll take time to get used to a 'new' diagnosis, and I'm sure there will be lots of people on this forum who can understand and support you as well. Best wishes.

Thank you for your reply

yeah I do worry about others, I believe if ur autistic we are not supposed to have empathy but I worry about others constantly so I guess that’s not always the case.

i always felt different but never suspected autism, it came out of the blue from the gp after I got Ill last year and then the assessment came through all within 12 months and it was a shock.

i also feel angry my parents didn’t do anything when I was a child and keep thinking how different things could have been. I’m not sure what’s next and feel everything is up in the air, hopefully things will change.

x

Sorry to hear you're struggling to cope. I think getting diagnosed is a pretty big event and stirs up loads of emotions, good and bad. Try not to feel guilty about how you're feeling, it's your experience - no-one else's! You sound like an empathetic person in considering other people who struggle to get a diagnosis.

Although I was mostly glad to get my diagnosis (and finally get an explanation for years of struggling), I did start to feel sad after a few months. It hit me that this condition would be with me all my life, and I was sad that no-one had worked out that I had it sooner.

BUT after another few months I started to feel a lot better and more at peace with myself. I guess what I'm trying to say is that how you feel about your diagnosis is an ongoing process. Hope things get better for you.