Struggle to sleep

I have always struggled with insomnia. Trying to get to sleep is all too often like walking into an ambush. I can almost feel my subconscious mind just waiting for me to turn off all distractions so that is has my full attention when it blasts me with criticism over every mistake I have made in my life.

As I get older, my subconscious just seems to get more ammunition & the problem worsens. The only real solution I have found is to stay up until I am so tired that I can fall asleep almost immediately. Leaving a Radio or TV on in the background helps as well, but that can be counter productive as it tends to keep you awake unless the content is extremely dull.

I bought a clock that could play 'White Noise MP3s' which used to help a lot, but stopped using it a few years ago when I got my cat, because she didnt seem to like it. Thinking about it though, I might try using it again soon as it was very helpful & she is less easily spooked now that she is older.

Currently I sleep around 3-5 hours on average, which isn't really enough but I seem to have adapted to it. I rarely remember dreams any more, but managed to effectively immunise myself against recurring nightmares as a kid by teaching myself lucid dreaming. I am always aware in dreams that it isn't real & can just force myself to wake up when anything bad happens. Manipulation is much trickier, because dreams are like soap bubbles & the more conscious control you execute, the greater the likelihood the reality bubble will burst & you just wake up anyway.

Positive lucid dreams can be fun though, especially when you can spot where your subconscious got the ideas from & laugh at the script. Sadly I rarely get to experience lucid dreams much nowadays, as they are dependent on having a good sleep pattern. Aside from nightmares, the dreams you remember are generally the ones before you are ready to wake up anyway, after having had enough sleep. If you are constantly sleep deprived, you spend proportionately more of the time in deeper sleep where you are oblivious to everything. I used to lucid dream quite a lot in my twenties before my insomnia really started to set in & it still feels strange that some of my most vivid memories are of things that I know never really happened.

I have always struggled with insomnia. Trying to get to sleep is all too often like walking into an ambush. I can almost feel my subconscious mind just waiting for me to turn off all distractions so that is has my full attention when it blasts me with criticism over every mistake I have made in my life.

As I get older, my subconscious just seems to get more ammunition & the problem worsens. The only real solution I have found is to stay up until I am so tired that I can fall asleep almost immediately. Leaving a Radio or TV on in the background helps as well, but that can be counter productive as it tends to keep you awake unless the content is extremely dull.

I bought a clock that could play 'White Noise MP3s' which used to help a lot, but stopped using it a few years ago when I got my cat, because she didnt seem to like it. Thinking about it though, I might try using it again soon as it was very helpful & she is less easily spooked now that she is older.

Currently I sleep around 3-5 hours on average, which isn't really enough but I seem to have adapted to it. I rarely remember dreams any more, but managed to effectively immunise myself against recurring nightmares as a kid by teaching myself lucid dreaming. I am always aware in dreams that it isn't real & can just force myself to wake up when anything bad happens. Manipulation is much trickier, because dreams are like soap bubbles & the more conscious control you execute, the greater the likelihood the reality bubble will burst & you just wake up anyway.

Positive lucid dreams can be fun though, especially when you can spot where your subconscious got the ideas from & laugh at the script. Sadly I rarely get to experience lucid dreams much nowadays, as they are dependent on having a good sleep pattern. Aside from nightmares, the dreams you remember are generally the ones before you are ready to wake up anyway, after having had enough sleep. If you are constantly sleep deprived, you spend proportionately more of the time in deeper sleep where you are oblivious to everything. I used to lucid dream quite a lot in my twenties before my insomnia really started to set in & it still feels strange that some of my most vivid memories are of things that I know never really happened.