Struggle to sleep

Why not forget about the ‘normal’ pattern of sleeping and simply sleep when you fall to sleep and be awake when you’re awake? That’s what I’ve been doing most recently and slowly but surely I can see my sleep/wake pattern getting into some kind of routine. When I was trying to get it into the routine I wanted it to be in, I was getting nowhere other than getting stressed about it all which of course then makes sleep even more elusive. 

I’m sure that even the best of sleepers would struggle getting to sleep with a bunch of fireworks going off in their bed! 

Note to self: don’t take fireworks to bed with you if you intend to sleep well! 

Hope you’re ok.

At the moment I'm in bed reading a book but cannot sleep because of the fireworks.

Meh! Happy New Year...no doubt the bike will be out in the morning... fire it up early, and enjoy 

Happy New Year Robert124... you’ll be seeing it through in several time zones, no doubt. Just let it be known that you’re thought about and cared for

Ellie 

I have always struggled with insomnia. Trying to get to sleep is all too often like walking into an ambush. I can almost feel my subconscious mind just waiting for me to turn off all distractions so that is has my full attention when it blasts me with criticism over every mistake I have made in my life.

As I get older, my subconscious just seems to get more ammunition & the problem worsens. The only real solution I have found is to stay up until I am so tired that I can fall asleep almost immediately. Leaving a Radio or TV on in the background helps as well, but that can be counter productive as it tends to keep you awake unless the content is extremely dull.

I bought a clock that could play 'White Noise MP3s' which used to help a lot, but stopped using it a few years ago when I got my cat, because she didnt seem to like it. Thinking about it though, I might try using it again soon as it was very helpful & she is less easily spooked now that she is older.

Currently I sleep around 3-5 hours on average, which isn't really enough but I seem to have adapted to it. I rarely remember dreams any more, but managed to effectively immunise myself against recurring nightmares as a kid by teaching myself lucid dreaming. I am always aware in dreams that it isn't real & can just force myself to wake up when anything bad happens. Manipulation is much trickier, because dreams are like soap bubbles & the more conscious control you execute, the greater the likelihood the reality bubble will burst & you just wake up anyway.

Positive lucid dreams can be fun though, especially when you can spot where your subconscious got the ideas from & laugh at the script. Sadly I rarely get to experience lucid dreams much nowadays, as they are dependent on having a good sleep pattern. Aside from nightmares, the dreams you remember are generally the ones before you are ready to wake up anyway, after having had enough sleep. If you are constantly sleep deprived, you spend proportionately more of the time in deeper sleep where you are oblivious to everything. I used to lucid dream quite a lot in my twenties before my insomnia really started to set in & it still feels strange that some of my most vivid memories are of things that I know never really happened.

I love the fact you were trying to break someone out of jail ~ it wasn't me, was it ;) 

It could be your subconscious mind trying to break you out of prison though? I was just reflecting on my autism and how it is a kind of prison (or at least that would be one way of looking at it) ~ I was thinking that it's time for me to accept that, no matter what I do, I'll never experience life the way nt people do so I really must stop trying, because it's futile. 

Autism doesn't invalidate my life, it doesn't make it wrong or defective, it just makes it different. And it only seems to be a problem to me when I compare myself or try to fit myself in to the nt world. 

Maybe we don't find our way back to our world by trains or any other kind of nt construction. It can be a challenge, finding our way back home, when faced with and surrounded by an nt world, so we have to find other ways that don't use nt methods. 

I'm so attached to the idea of family and I want it to be like it always was, when I was a kid when I felt like part of my family, for good or bad. I realise I'm attached to 'sameness' and it feels almost impossible to break free from that. But maybe I just need to look at it differently. 

I can't understand how my family can treat me like they do but I don't even think they realise what they're doing and I'd love to tell them, but don't feel able to. Maybe I just need to show them who I am, by simply being me. Because in truth, all I'm currently trying to do is show them how much they're hurting me through their actions and as Einstein said, you can't solve the problem with the same mind that created it. 

I know what I'm saying, although I'm sure nobody else does! Lol! And that's ok. I can only let people know who I am by my actions, by being me, not by reacting to other people's view points. 

I've  just got to take a deep breath (or sigh, as that vibrates at the healing power of 528hz), be strong (thanks DC) and be me. 

I think in your dream, you did succeed in breaking someone out of jail. It was me. I just need to stay out of it now! 

Today's sleep.  I've woken up worn out.

Went to bed 1:40am, woke at 5:40am from nightmares part 1,   toilet the straight back to sleep, woke at 8:40am from nightmares part 2.

Nightmares part 1: I was travelling with my sister and we were trying to reach Manchester, first by foot to catch a bus, this was absolute exhausting chaos, then travelling by bus to a train station.  At the train station, even more chaos.  Massive crowds, inadequate information and we missed the late night train by ten minutes.

Nightmares part 2: I was trying to break someone out of jail.

It sounds like your dream is more about reaching goals. It’s as if it’s saying that even if you reach the top (your goals) there will always be obstacles which will prevent you from staying there. It also echos a common belief that it’s tough and lonely at the top. Or it could be linked to your fear of heights if you have been facing your fear or you had to climb a high ladder or something. 

Today's nightmare was new.

I was trying to get home, walking through these streets .

In these conditions.

And children were getting in the way of my photographs.

I have been having very vivid dreams and nightmares recently. I am fascinated by the way in which reality and fantasy get mixed up. Nightmares can be so terrifying that it takes me a long while to calm down once awake. I also get woken up by silly things (leaving the heating on my mistake) and by the dog who sometimes needs to be let out, but sometimes just needs a cuddle. She is a very anxious creature, like me. I hope that over time, we can help each other to relax.

My classic recurring nightmare is of being on a scaffolding like structure or high ladder which is collapsing, whilst having to negotiate some kind of impossible barrier. I am terrified of heights in real life and it does not need sophisticated interpretation to work out the meaning! Do you have a recurring dream or theme for nightmares? 

I’ve just come to bed! I did get a few hours sleep, on the settee, but woke up, had a cry, did some writing and thinking, turned my mood around and now I’ve come to bed. I didn’t realise the time. I had planned to go for a walk this morning and get to my favourite coffee shop just as it opens so there will be less people there, but I feel tired so I think I might have a sleep first and maybe, or maybe not, go to the coffee shop a little later.

No snow here either!

I listen to asmr 

Fascinating reading.

Perhaps reading is one useful use of ones time in the gaps between the sleeps.

6:30am and still awake.

I woke up at 5:30am from a series of  interconnected nightmares about walking home through back streets in the snow. While taking photographs.  The past and present were all mixed up with different places I used to live at.

BTW there is no snow here.

In the past people had two sleeps per night.  Doing so might be useful to some people:

http://slumberwise.com/science/your-ancestors-didnt-sleep-like-you/

I know the feeling Robert - I slept from 7am to 12pm today and I realistically need 9 hours sleep to not feel tired...looks like we’re both in for an afternoon nap!  

9am and just woke up.

Today's sleep!!!

1am to 4am sleep

4am to 6am.  Brushed teeth, went on mobile internet, watched DVDs, put cream on my eczema.

6 am to 9 am sleep.

Total 6 hours.

I'm tired as hell.  I need 8.

Have you tried melatonin gummies? They just help your mind switch off they work for some people. 

My daughter only sleeps for about 3- 5 hours a night and not all at once she went through a stage not long ago where she wasn't even getting that it was making her Ill after begging the gp and her nurse for help and getting nowhere I took the advice of another parent at a support group and tried them. She slept all night and did not get the horrible nightmares that she normally suffers. We used them for a week and it was the best she had slept in her life! We took her off them as obviously it is not a prescription so I worry about long term use but she has now settled on 7 hours which is fine. When she slips again we will definitely use them again