Struggle to sleep

Today's sleep.  I've woken up worn out.

Went to bed 1:40am, woke at 5:40am from nightmares part 1,   toilet the straight back to sleep, woke at 8:40am from nightmares part 2.

Nightmares part 1: I was travelling with my sister and we were trying to reach Manchester, first by foot to catch a bus, this was absolute exhausting chaos, then travelling by bus to a train station.  At the train station, even more chaos.  Massive crowds, inadequate information and we missed the late night train by ten minutes.

Nightmares part 2: I was trying to break someone out of jail.

I love the fact you were trying to break someone out of jail ~ it wasn't me, was it ;) 

It could be your subconscious mind trying to break you out of prison though? I was just reflecting on my autism and how it is a kind of prison (or at least that would be one way of looking at it) ~ I was thinking that it's time for me to accept that, no matter what I do, I'll never experience life the way nt people do so I really must stop trying, because it's futile. 

Autism doesn't invalidate my life, it doesn't make it wrong or defective, it just makes it different. And it only seems to be a problem to me when I compare myself or try to fit myself in to the nt world. 

Maybe we don't find our way back to our world by trains or any other kind of nt construction. It can be a challenge, finding our way back home, when faced with and surrounded by an nt world, so we have to find other ways that don't use nt methods. 

I'm so attached to the idea of family and I want it to be like it always was, when I was a kid when I felt like part of my family, for good or bad. I realise I'm attached to 'sameness' and it feels almost impossible to break free from that. But maybe I just need to look at it differently. 

I can't understand how my family can treat me like they do but I don't even think they realise what they're doing and I'd love to tell them, but don't feel able to. Maybe I just need to show them who I am, by simply being me. Because in truth, all I'm currently trying to do is show them how much they're hurting me through their actions and as Einstein said, you can't solve the problem with the same mind that created it. 

I know what I'm saying, although I'm sure nobody else does! Lol! And that's ok. I can only let people know who I am by my actions, by being me, not by reacting to other people's view points. 

I've  just got to take a deep breath (or sigh, as that vibrates at the healing power of 528hz), be strong (thanks DC) and be me. 

I think in your dream, you did succeed in breaking someone out of jail. It was me. I just need to stay out of it now! 

I love the fact you were trying to break someone out of jail ~ it wasn't me, was it ;) 

It could be your subconscious mind trying to break you out of prison though? I was just reflecting on my autism and how it is a kind of prison (or at least that would be one way of looking at it) ~ I was thinking that it's time for me to accept that, no matter what I do, I'll never experience life the way nt people do so I really must stop trying, because it's futile. 

Autism doesn't invalidate my life, it doesn't make it wrong or defective, it just makes it different. And it only seems to be a problem to me when I compare myself or try to fit myself in to the nt world. 

Maybe we don't find our way back to our world by trains or any other kind of nt construction. It can be a challenge, finding our way back home, when faced with and surrounded by an nt world, so we have to find other ways that don't use nt methods. 

I'm so attached to the idea of family and I want it to be like it always was, when I was a kid when I felt like part of my family, for good or bad. I realise I'm attached to 'sameness' and it feels almost impossible to break free from that. But maybe I just need to look at it differently. 

I can't understand how my family can treat me like they do but I don't even think they realise what they're doing and I'd love to tell them, but don't feel able to. Maybe I just need to show them who I am, by simply being me. Because in truth, all I'm currently trying to do is show them how much they're hurting me through their actions and as Einstein said, you can't solve the problem with the same mind that created it. 

I know what I'm saying, although I'm sure nobody else does! Lol! And that's ok. I can only let people know who I am by my actions, by being me, not by reacting to other people's view points. 

I've  just got to take a deep breath (or sigh, as that vibrates at the healing power of 528hz), be strong (thanks DC) and be me. 

I think in your dream, you did succeed in breaking someone out of jail. It was me. I just need to stay out of it now!