Published on 12, July, 2020
Looking back over my childhood and considering various experiences within my wider family, I can trace not only what I believe to be the "path of autism" but also a fair amount of poverty, to varying degrees.
Now I'm not suggesting that there's a straightforward link between autism and poverty - certainly I can see many positives to my neurodivergent mind which have enabled me to make a fair living over the years - but the patterns do seem intertwined. I can see lots of issues with anxiety, depression and addiction too but increasingly I suspect these might be related to undiagnosed (and therefore unsupported) autism. The patterns seem to involve difficulties in the workplace (choosing and staying in jobs), education (especially higher education where independence and social factors seems to become increasingly important), accessing healthcare and applying for benefits (a stressful process in itself).
During my teenage years in particular, we went through a lot of poverty and our living conditions were quite poor, to the extent that we didn't dare invite people round and our social isolation became ever worse. Dad did what work he could, but was trapped in a low paying job and neither of my parents had much knowledge of the benefits system (I was quite shocked recently when my now elderly mother said that we probably could have claimed something to help).
And going back a generation, my grandmother's house was something of a disaster. No housework ever done, not much with which to do it, no repairs carried out, not much washing, a LOT of hoarding, alcohol consumption and gambling. It was like that with my uncles too, although they were very intelligent people and obviously quite talented in many ways.
Is this all necessarily to do with autism? Probably not. But I'm suspicious. Especially now that my sons are having major difficulties making their way in the world and a lot of our money seems to go on false starts in education and work. There's some good stuff in there too no doubt, but I'm worried.
Any thoughts?
I think it's a flawed link & a lot of what's said does resonate with me. Poverty is a complex issue, but you're looking at it from the wrong angle in my opinion. I don't consider myself a problem in any way or that how my life turns out, or the lives of others, is anything down to me or other individuals. To me, the problem is society and this idea of conforming to what is normal. If we were all meant to be the same then we could have all just been created with the same DNA but we are all different. Those differences should be something we all should feel proud of but for far too long we've all fallen into the trap of continuing this dangerous cycle of following these perceived cultural and social stereotypes, which we ourselves have created. Therefore, I see the whole of society and the culture we've created to be the problem that needs to be fixed, which will provide the solution.
It's like when people tell me anxiety and depression mean I'm broken. My response is that anxiety and depression make me normal, it makes me who I am and it makes me different rather than broken. My brain is simply different, how biochemical reactions take place are different, etc. Mental Health issues are more prevalent than people like to admit at times, to the point that mental health issues are indeed normal if only we were all prepared to admit it but out of fear we all keep everything bottled up out of not wanting to conflict with our programmed ideas of social norms. I've had enough with social norms and it's about time we fought to challenge these ideas and preconceptions. Society and culture aren't static so my choice is to do what I can to challenge these things rather than simply conform to what feels like the accepted normal. I am normal for me. Now I simply need to do what I can to challenge other people to redefine what is normal.
I do consider myself poor and it is a strain with wondering what the future can hold. I grew up pushing myself, challenging myself, focusing on what I can do to improve myself, to fit in, to adapt. What I think more now is "Why did I have to do all the work of having to adapt to everyone else, why can't everyone just work towards accepting the differences?" Rather than classifying someone as weak or stupid for whatever reason, simply see them as different, a human being with a different set of skills and abilities, who with help, can achieve something whatever that may be, rather than giving up on them from the start because they don't conform to some stereotype. We're not machines or robots but human beings. I worked hard, I struggled, I got an education, which all sounds very similar to my parents. My parents worked hard, they struggled, they got an education, but they're now retired having done nothing wrong in their lives according to the idea of a government who will look after those who do the right thing, yet they just about scrape by with their pensions while my parents still work to boost their income while we live in my grandmother's house who is paying the bills. Fortunately, my grandmother does have money though the downside being that she's done nothing much to help sort out my mother in her will as her rich son (my Uncle) is considered the favourite. Ok, it's her choice if that's what she wants but I don't want to hear her talking about loving us when she's prepared to send her daughter into severe poverty to help her rich son.
Anyway, back to the point, I thought that my hard work and my ability would be an asset. Funny thing, I ended up going into Accountancy though with a lack of support I was only able to reach the final level of CIMA exams and was unable to complete it, especially when my employer did absolutely nothing about the 3 years relevant experience. Like others have stated, I put up a mask, tried to fit in, tried to appear normal, but in the end everything I did counted for nothing. I still feel like a failure for the situation I'm in but I know I'm not because it wasn't me that failed, it was my employer and society who failed me. If anything, everything I did could be considered extremely remarkable considering my starting point in life with the difficulties and challenges I had to face and struggle with where others may not have had the same determination and focus I had to keep pushing myself in the hopes of achieving success. I didn't go to work to make friends but believed that my hard work and ability would be recognised and rewarded. I'd say I was definitely recognised considering I was the 'go to' man for all sorts of things, even helping to train people who were above me in the structure, even at times being more able and qualified than them too. However, I believe that due to my lack of social skills, I was seen as someone to be feared and controlled rather than being presented with training, support and opportunities for progression. The culture of my work environment was built on division, fear, deception and manipulation where social networks counted for everything due to the nature of office politics where people want their closest allies next to them to back them up. That wasn't me or my style, for me the priority was the work and the organisation.
I only got diagnosed when I was 32 while I was at that job. All I know is that after that, I was just starting to reflect on life in a different way as I had spent my entire life focusing on the idea of conforming to what I though society expected: to get educated, get a job, build a career, be successful. This is what my time growing up had programmed me to believe because I knew I had the ability and skills to be successful but others around me prevented me from getting there. It felt like I had spent so long focusing on trying to get through the wall in front of me, doing everything I could think of to get through it but it wouldn't budge. I just started to evaluate my life, what was the point of it all, so getting a bit philosophical and the like really. I came to the conclusion that this idea of gauging life success through career achievement and salary was meaningless to a degree because I had set myself up to fail due to the fact that the system I was trying to make progress in wasn't prepared to let me continue. I was prepared to give up on the idea and settle for a simple finance job at work, which would have meant earning enough to pay the bills so that I could focus on other things. I just realised that I was getting older, I was being discriminated against, the profession was competitive with a constant flow of new entrants, I was stuck between effectively being overqualified and skilled for the entry level jobs to restart my career, which was extremely competitive, but I didn't have the opportunities, support, skills, knowledge, etc. to really progress and thrive in taking the next step in my career.
Shortly after that, my employer made me reach my limit, by even taking that simple finance job away from me in an organisational restructure where I was forced into a job I didn't want on a permanent basis. To me, it was them effectively sending the message that this was it for me and that they would put me where they wanted me to be, which was out the way and with no chance of anything beyond it. I finally broke but I had built up my own reserves of strength and resilience because I would not allow them to beat me. There's only one person who can beat me and that's me, if I had given up that would have meant giving up on myself and letting them win, letting them walk all over me and allowing them to do it. I walked out even though it would mean giving up everything I had built up in life and gambling on the unknown of what would come next. If anything though, it makes me realise what my parents went through when I was growing up and everything since then had taught me about what it meant to not give up and to keep struggling even when things were bad. If anything, it's that mentality and drive which allowed me to remain with that employer for as long as I did.
By leaving, it lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and gave me the time and space to think about my life and lots of other things. I had fallen into the same trap and had ended up believing that it was the way I had to live, which then limited me and my options. I'm not exactly saying I have loads of options in life right now but I understand what's at stake with a society, culture and system that is built to fail so many people. So, I state once again, this doesn't have to be the way things are, we can change it and we should all be striving to do so. Just like we in the UK have recently celebrated that some women gained the right to vote 100 years ago, the fight for change, for equality, for fairness, for justice is a fight that we must all do our part in rather than accepting that the way things are is the way they must remain. It will take time for change to take place but we must not let these same cycles continue on.
Thank you so much for your thoughts on this. It all sounds very familiar and yes, I would say that the associated depression, anxiety and addiction I have seen in my family (plus experienced myself) are entirely understandable responses to adverse experiences. Whether we would have been so vulnerable to the effects of these experiences if we'd been neurotypical is debatable but I think what we've been through is more of a reflection on society than on us. And it does need to change.
Toxic working practices are presumably toxic to everyone to some degree and, in losing the ND thinkers, there is, I think, a significant loss to organisations and the economy.
The prospect of poverty does worry me though. I was squeezed out of my own accountancy role due to a final reorganisation which, curiously, left me and my job share singled out for involuntary redundancy. Subtext - "We'll make sure we get rid of those ND part-timers this time around". Everyone else in the department (including many who were less qualified) stayed.
My reflections on autism and poverty have therefore mainly sprung from the question, " Why does this keep happening to us?" But I totally accept that the link is indirect at best and cultural and structural changes are what's really needed.
That question leads to further negativity because the focus then leads to blaming yourself and seeing yourself as the problem, and in doing so trying to work out what's wrong with you, which can spiral into negativity. This deflects away from the real question of "Why do other people behave in such a manner?"
It doesn't prevent you from trying to see what you can improve about yourself but puts the emphasis on understanding the actual underlying factors of the real cause in my opinion.
I can relate to that. It’s taken me the best part of a year and the help of 3 support workers to get me to finally learn to take baby steps. I was getting to the point where if I heard them say ‘baby steps’ one more time I was going to freak out, but eventually, they got through to me, and now, I wouldn’t have it any other way. In fact, I’ve gone probably more in that direction than intended!!!! Lol! The black and white thinking and the all or nothing mentality doesn’t change, but I can now at least take some time before acting on my first, second, third or even fourth instinct or more.
I didn’t know life could be lived in the slow lane whilst still achieving goals but I found out for myself that the less I did, the more I achieved and many things simply sort themselves out without any input from me, if I leave them be. This means I can achieve goals, go at my own pace and really take time to smell the roses along the way ~ which is the best part for me. I love being outdoors in the countryside, it’s my medicine, my tonic and more and I’m building time in nature into my routine as a matter of priority.
Many thanks. I'll have a look. I think my manner of processing and learning stuff can engender a bit of conflict in itself. On the one hand I rattle through things to extract what I think I need in the shortest possible time. And on the other I get frustrated because, of course, this only gives me the kind of surface learning which convinces me I've checked something out when really I haven't done it justice at all.
I often just need to slow it all down but this flies in the face of my anxious perception that I'm always on the middle of a crisis and need help fast.
Sigh...
Absolutely Jenny, I totally understand ~ I've worked out that on average, it takes me about 3 weeks to process even the simplist of things and I've realised that the way I do process and learn stuff, isn't straight forward, even though my thinking often is.
You can ask me anything anytime but certainly take your time. Just as a way of giving you more information about metaphysical counselling, you can find out more at https://metaphysicalsociety.com/metaphysical-counselling/ they're accredited etc and I can vouch for them but I'm certainly not promoting them or anything, rather just letting you know they're there.