Published on 12, July, 2020
Looking back over my childhood and considering various experiences within my wider family, I can trace not only what I believe to be the "path of autism" but also a fair amount of poverty, to varying degrees.
Now I'm not suggesting that there's a straightforward link between autism and poverty - certainly I can see many positives to my neurodivergent mind which have enabled me to make a fair living over the years - but the patterns do seem intertwined. I can see lots of issues with anxiety, depression and addiction too but increasingly I suspect these might be related to undiagnosed (and therefore unsupported) autism. The patterns seem to involve difficulties in the workplace (choosing and staying in jobs), education (especially higher education where independence and social factors seems to become increasingly important), accessing healthcare and applying for benefits (a stressful process in itself).
During my teenage years in particular, we went through a lot of poverty and our living conditions were quite poor, to the extent that we didn't dare invite people round and our social isolation became ever worse. Dad did what work he could, but was trapped in a low paying job and neither of my parents had much knowledge of the benefits system (I was quite shocked recently when my now elderly mother said that we probably could have claimed something to help).
And going back a generation, my grandmother's house was something of a disaster. No housework ever done, not much with which to do it, no repairs carried out, not much washing, a LOT of hoarding, alcohol consumption and gambling. It was like that with my uncles too, although they were very intelligent people and obviously quite talented in many ways.
Is this all necessarily to do with autism? Probably not. But I'm suspicious. Especially now that my sons are having major difficulties making their way in the world and a lot of our money seems to go on false starts in education and work. There's some good stuff in there too no doubt, but I'm worried.
Any thoughts?
Hi JennyButterfly,
I wouldn't call myself impoverished. But poverty is relative, like a lot of things - and by the standards in our society, I'd probably be regarded as 'poor'. I've never made very much money, and currently get by on under £1000 a month. Half of that goes on rent and council tax. Then I have the other usual household bills, plus a car to run. I eat well, even though it's pretty basic food (I don't have a freezer, so shop most days, and I never eat out). At the end of the month, there's nothing left to put into savings. It's a pretty frugal existence by most standards. But I like it. It's how I prefer to live. Even on a small income, it's manageable. I cut my cloth according to my needs. Some extra would always be nice, so I don't have to worry about unexpected bills, but I don't have any debts. I have a pathological fear of debt, having experienced the effects of it in my earlier life. Mum and dad never had much money, and dad was a drinker and gambler. Some weeks, he wouldn't come home for a few days and would go on a spree - then would have to hide from people he owed money to. It was a very insecure existence, and mum struggled a lot. In my early teens, we lived in a tied cottage on the farm where my dad worked. He was laid off and we were evicted. The council had to house us in an emergency, and we ended up in a damp flat that affected my mother's health. The thought of it all now scares me.
I have a degree and a high IQ, but I've never really been able to capitalise on them. I'm very much the black sheep of the family. They've all got houses of their own, big cars, flourishing businesses. I often wonder, though, how much of it is just what you see - like on Facebook - and if they're in debt underneath it.
I don't know if there's any connection with autism, though I know I've never been able to cope in high-pressure jobs, and I'd certainly not want to run a business. I just don't feel secure enough in myself. Perhaps that's a result of always having low confidence and self-esteem, which itself came from bullying and other abuse I've endured since childhood. Feeling 'different', too, can have a negative impact. Some people can rise above these challenges. In many ways, I think I have. But again, I don't think anyone would look at me and see someone who is successful and well off. Not by any stretch. Maybe my being okay with it is all that really matters, though.
Yes, that seems to me to be a very sound approach, untainted by the distorted values of much of our society.
When it comes to bullying and abuse, I also wonder whether this is something to do with autism (I hear this pattern an awful lot) or other factors - the school yard can be brutal for anyone at times.
I do have a fear of poverty instilled in childhood. But the thing is my dad was never a drinker or gambler. He just couldn't make a reasonble living or even see that our circumstances weren't reasonable. As with a massive blind spot, we were all ashamed and afraid of others seeing how we lived, while he would have invited them in to show them his splendid house (complete with filth and grime, green mould and a hole in the ceiling in the bathroom, torn furnishings and a lack of hot running water due to us neither being able to afford a plumber or the elecricity bill).
Yes, I'm pretty sure that the levels of bullying I endured - including from some teachers - was because my autism made me an easy target.
Dad didn't have much education, so he only ever did low-paid manual work. Mum always had to work, too - often simply to pay his debts and keep us fed.
I've absolutely no doubt in my mind that my autism was at the root of my bullying at school - and later, in the workplace. When you don't 'fit', you become a ripe target. School was hell pretty much the whole way through.