Published on 12, July, 2020
This is not me having a whinge. But does anyone on the forum had or have to deal with the expectation that as they are good at what they do they feel that there is a continued and increasing need to do and provide more and more to suit others.
I sometimes feel that I have just become a high functioning machine rather than human and that the challenging aspects of autism (where I am low functioning) are negated or ignored.
I don't like the terms either, but we seem to be stuck with them. My understanding is that we are 'high-functioning' in comparison to people with autism who also have learning disabilities to a greater or lesser degree: people who need support in all aspects of their daily lives.
But it also, to me, implies a comparison with neurotypicals (i.e. we function well, but not as well as they do).
I think I know what you mean, though. For me, it seems to be the expectation that because I can do many of the important things that NTs can do - hold down a job, drive a car, manage a household budget, operate a computer - I should therefore also be able to understand and respond to things as they do. I should be able to manage certain situations better. But I can't. Part of my current problem, with the bullying at work, is getting my managers - including people who really ought to know better, such a those in the behaviour team - to understand that I can't just let things go over my head, I can't just ignore silly comments, I can't work around people who seem to be going out of their way to make life difficult for me. I had to send the Behaviour Manager a research paper about autism, trauma and PTSD in an effort to help her to understand that 'trauma' to me can be what most people would regard as trivial: that I have a lower threshold for it, and am much more sensitive to it.
I hate this tendency many NTs have to 'normalise' things. Everyone gets bullied. Everyone has tough days. Everyone experiences anxiety. We're in the minority, so we don't have a lot of back-up support, whereas they are in the majority and have each other to confirm that my responses are faulty or inappropriate. I had a colleague the other day tut-tut when a service user covered his ears as an ambulance went screaming past, sirens blaring. 'You'd think he'd have gotten used to it by now,' she said. I had to point out the obvious. He's hypersensitive to loud noises. There is no getting used to it. Another colleague said about another service user, whose daily routine was hugely interrupted, 'He needs to learn that he cannot always do what he wants to do when he expects to do it.' What am I missing here? Who are these people?
If I can't even get understanding, acceptance and appropriate support in an autism facility, what hope is there for any of us?
Sorry... that was a whinge!
I currently work two jobs, been offered a third and my OH now suggested that I take on a forth (a business), I also do all the domestic chores and support my son.
OH does not work... but as I have a skill set I seem to find myself as the high performing monkey when in fact I’m an elephant currently receiving support for anxiety and depression - these latter facts seems to have been ignored
I suspect what you're actually suffering is what I call "the curse of competence." Everybody else is allowed to be incompetent, but because you're actually competent you end up having to cover everybody else's incompetence. I suspect if we were better at "the social game" we would be better able to extract ourselves from this but the ...
He has now equity.... he has an interest only mortgage and remortgaged several times over so this is unlikely.
In terms of physical capability. He got up this morning at 8am.. and went back to bed at 10am.. He will get up later just before I get home from work.
In the past the phrase oft used was "Why bark when you have a dog"
His job was physical, he has been looking at driving jobs but lost his licence for 6 months a while back so although he now has a clear licence it is still on his record for another 12 months... if he is using an employers car....
Not that IT savvy, probably dyslexic, also needs both knees replacing..
Plain-speaking - but maybe appropriate. It depends, as Windscale says, on the individual circumstance. Clearly, there is some level of incapacity and need if Ellie's partner is claiming a PIP.
Does you partner have an OT, Ellie? Is there some sense that he has capacity - such as in being able to do administrative work associated with the running of a business? I know a few disabled people who still manage to work from home and provide support to partners. It depends on the skills he has to offer. And the willingness, of course, to offer them. If, on the other hand, he has been used to making a living from physical work that he is no longer capable of doing, it could be more problematic. But he could retrain, maybe, for something else. Business Admin, etc.
Something to be mindful of is the energy needed to go through the ASD assessment process. I was fortunate that my assessment coincided with an ankle injury, so I was off work not juggling five part-time jobs at the time. After the initial elation of getting a diagnosis there's the 'coming to terms with things' stage which can be quite unsettling and exhausting.
Try to make sure you keep enough time and energy for yourself amidst all these other demands. I pushed myself far too much at work over the last few months and I am struggling to get going again now. Autism burnout is a real thing and it can catch us unawares if we don't guard against it.
I have been given some clear guidelines by the psychologists now, which makes it much easier to say 'no'!