Published on 12, July, 2020
I think I am autistic. I am having my assessment next Tuesday.
My problems started 6 months ago when I saw my GP as I have been struggling with quite severe anxiety issues all my life which have gradually got worse especially over the past two years. He refered me to IAPT for a 4 week CBT course. All was well for the first couple of sessions until autism was suspected as the cause. I had always suspected that I might have autism but at the time didn't relate it to my anxiety issues. The final sessions Tgot completely derailed as I tried to come to terms with this. The course duly finished and was told by the facilitator that as I was still struggling I would be put on the 6 month waiting list for an intensive 12 week course of CBT. A referral was also done to the autism dept for a diagnosis (3 month waiting list). I went away with my anxiety levels sky high knowing I had to try and struggle through on my own for 3 months. After a week of panic attacks at work I realised I couldn't so on struggling so decided to ring IAPT because surely they have a duty of care and an open door policy? How wrong I was, I was told they couldn't help and to go back to my GP. Next day I did go to the GP and he was shocked that IAPT wouldn't help and sent them an e mail asking them to contact me. I waited a few days but didn't hear anything by now I was starting to feel suicidal so phoned IAPT and spoke to the receptionist who said that someone would phone back ASAP. 3 days later they still hadn't phoned - I was phoning the Samaritans by now. I phoned IAPT again and did actually get to someone - bad news though - no they wouldnt help. I asked them when the 12 week course was likely to start and was told that i wasn't on the waiting list and my CBT person shouldn't have told me about it. Went back to the GP to ask that as IAPT were refusing to help with my anxiety issues who else is out there to help? He had no answers so I ended up being signed off work for 4 weeks. During that time Occupational Health got involved and I received 4 counciling sessions by phone(better than nothing) I also contacted PALS to try and get some help and they managed to get me enrolled on a 4 weeks anxiety course run by IAPT. After the first session we had to fill in various forms (GAD 7 etc) and a few days later I received a letter from IAPT saying that they were concerned and that I should contact my GP ASAP to get help. I went to the GP and he rang IAPT, they said they wernt prepared to help me until ive had the results of the autism diagnosis.
So Ive been hung out to dry by my GP & IAPT. Ive got no help from anyone. I am a postman and yesterday I had a slight accident in my van which has made things even worse.
I know CBT might not be effective but it helps me (had a course also 20 years ago which helps a lot)
I am so stressed out by the past 6 months and I have lost all hope of ever getting my severe anxiety reduced.
Me moment autism was mentioned all help was stopped. I feel like giving up on life
It's so demoralising when opening one door closes the others, I know, and it really isn't fair given that you had found a therapy that was working for you; I've had similar experiences myself - my last counsellor even said to me that she thought it was medically unethical that my last programme of counselling had to end when my allotted number of sessions had run out.
But as the others have said, one step at a time. Just concentrate on getting through to the assessment for the time being. Once you're there, you'll be talking to people who do understand the kind of experiences that you've been having, because almost everyone they see will have been there before. It might be a bit nerve-wracking at first, but just be as honest with them as you are being with us, and it will be fine. They'll also be the right people to talk to about how you might resolve the problems with accessing counselling; they probably won't be able to arrange it directly, but they should at least have a good idea of how local services are organised so that you can go back to your GP a bit better informed, so do make sure that you raise it with them towards the end of the assessment.
In the mean-time, we're always here for you - we might not be trained counsellors, but on the other hand, we do understand autism from the inside, and folks have shown again and again since I've been here how they'll rally around when one of us is in dire straits.
Best wishes.
Thanka for the support
it really helps to know that there are people out there who care
One thing is for sure,,, we may have struggles of our own but we all care for each other, we reach out and we do our best when we can.
The situation you are in is sadly only to common,,long long waits just to even get a referral never mind diagnosis, , we are not supported as we should be as we are seen as coping! They don’t see or understand the constant battles we have just getting through each day, yes we do it,,, but it all gets just to much at times,
Please keep talking,, we don’t judge as we often know how you are feeling, we also struggle in our own unique way.
Take care and look for beauty,, nature now is amazing,, the leaves are all changing, golden browns, yellows and the sunsets as sunflower has shown are amazing this time of the year, smell the roses as Trogluddite says,
look for the good in life.
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Thanks Lonewarrior