Published on 12, July, 2020
I think I am autistic. I am having my assessment next Tuesday.
My problems started 6 months ago when I saw my GP as I have been struggling with quite severe anxiety issues all my life which have gradually got worse especially over the past two years. He refered me to IAPT for a 4 week CBT course. All was well for the first couple of sessions until autism was suspected as the cause. I had always suspected that I might have autism but at the time didn't relate it to my anxiety issues. The final sessions Tgot completely derailed as I tried to come to terms with this. The course duly finished and was told by the facilitator that as I was still struggling I would be put on the 6 month waiting list for an intensive 12 week course of CBT. A referral was also done to the autism dept for a diagnosis (3 month waiting list). I went away with my anxiety levels sky high knowing I had to try and struggle through on my own for 3 months. After a week of panic attacks at work I realised I couldn't so on struggling so decided to ring IAPT because surely they have a duty of care and an open door policy? How wrong I was, I was told they couldn't help and to go back to my GP. Next day I did go to the GP and he was shocked that IAPT wouldn't help and sent them an e mail asking them to contact me. I waited a few days but didn't hear anything by now I was starting to feel suicidal so phoned IAPT and spoke to the receptionist who said that someone would phone back ASAP. 3 days later they still hadn't phoned - I was phoning the Samaritans by now. I phoned IAPT again and did actually get to someone - bad news though - no they wouldnt help. I asked them when the 12 week course was likely to start and was told that i wasn't on the waiting list and my CBT person shouldn't have told me about it. Went back to the GP to ask that as IAPT were refusing to help with my anxiety issues who else is out there to help? He had no answers so I ended up being signed off work for 4 weeks. During that time Occupational Health got involved and I received 4 counciling sessions by phone(better than nothing) I also contacted PALS to try and get some help and they managed to get me enrolled on a 4 weeks anxiety course run by IAPT. After the first session we had to fill in various forms (GAD 7 etc) and a few days later I received a letter from IAPT saying that they were concerned and that I should contact my GP ASAP to get help. I went to the GP and he rang IAPT, they said they wernt prepared to help me until ive had the results of the autism diagnosis.
So Ive been hung out to dry by my GP & IAPT. Ive got no help from anyone. I am a postman and yesterday I had a slight accident in my van which has made things even worse.
I know CBT might not be effective but it helps me (had a course also 20 years ago which helps a lot)
I am so stressed out by the past 6 months and I have lost all hope of ever getting my severe anxiety reduced.
Me moment autism was mentioned all help was stopped. I feel like giving up on life
You're welcome! That's cool, I used to do cycling as well but now my knees can't take it, lol I'm only in my 20s!! Anyway I hope you'll continue to enjoy your cycling. That's a lot of bees and honey, yum!
Glad you got through today and that your hanging in there.
my day was supposed to be an easy start back for me,,,,it wasn’t, now full of aches and pains, rushed off my feet, no real structure to the day, nothing organised,,,but despite all of that I got through it, my head and body are still buzzing, I have to draw on all my resources to keep going, it exhausts me mentally and as I am getting older physically as well now.
Tomorrow is supposed to be better, We will see.
Keep going Pinarello like I said it’s never quite as bad as we think, well not always.
Take care and wow how many hives? And 9000 miles yikes,,,, exhausted just trying to think about that distance, keep doing things you enjoy, even the little things can distract the mind from worries about work.
()
Thanks Catacombs, I wont give up fighting, I'm sure it will get better
Thanks, I hope your day at work went well today
Hi Sunflower
I have already been off sick for 4 weeks. I felt a lot better whilst I was off but I knew I couldn't stay off indefinitely so went back 5 weeks ago
Good luck with tomorrow. Be kind to yourself and I wish you well
Ellie
Thanks Emma, that's a lovely photo. I like cycling and beekeeping. I have cycled 9000 miles this year and I have 65 colonies of bees
Sorry about that everyone and thanks for the support
I'm back from work now. It wasn't too bad today, but then again it never is - that's where the ASD comes in.
Need to get through tomorrow now and so it goes on....
Know how tough this can be and I am so sorry you are going through it. Several of us on this forum are struggling with this too.
I am signed off work with stress at he moment. Every time I think about going back my anxiety risks getting out of control. As you say it is a horrible dark place to be.
Anti-anxiety medication and strategies from my psychologist are helping me believe things could be better in the future.
Can you give yourself some breathing space and go sick tomorrow? As soon as I did that I felt the panic subside.
Hi there Pinarello I have been off work two weeks, had things that stopped me being capable of focusing in work or pretty much anything.
I go back tomorrow, I have to as just being off work means no money coming in, I already feel guilty I took time off and won’t be paid for it.
Every Sunday I start getting anxiety, I struggle to settle, I can’t sleep, I keep thinking of all the demands that may be put in me, what could go wrong, but years of getting by has taught me one thing! No matter how bad it will be I will get through it, something I began to accept when at school, no matter how much I was shouted st by teachers, no matter how much they got right up in my face, as soon as I left those school gates they no longer effected my day.
So habg tight, you will get through it, keep talking your certainly not alone feeling this way, find a torch,,, seriously think kind things, focus on something that gives you enjoyment, even little things,
take care, ()
I'm really sorry you're going through this right now. Sorry I'm a little late to this topic, I only joined this morning.
Try and stay positive! I hope you're feeling a lot happier today, things aren't nearly as bad as you might think they are. You have friends here and so much to live for. What do you like to do? What are your hobbies? Please keep talking. Don't give up on yourself.
Here's a lovely picture I took which might make you smile.
I completely understand. I was diagnosed at 14 and it really messed me up for a while. At lot of the time I feel like I’m drowning and can’t breathe. But I keep trying to reach the surface no matter what because one day my head will stick out from the water and I’ll be able to breathe again. It may not be right now but things will get better I promise. Keep reaching out for help and talking to people it’s the best thing you can do. You’ve already been so brave and strong to reach out already. Don’t give up! We are all here for you and rooting for you!! :D
I’m starting to panic
I’m stressed off the planet with the thought of work tomorrow.
I feel I’m in a dark cave without a torch and I can’t find the way out. I’m stuck down here on my own forever
PINARELLO F8 said:i wish they had told me three months ago that they weren’t prepared to help me, would have saved me from waiting for return phone calls that never come and being treated like a hot potato.
Absolutely - the lack of communication and clarity is one of the most frustrating things when you are desperately waiting for help. I often tell people that mental health services make me feel like a ping pong ball between bats, and that seeing the Crisis Team is like playing Russian roulette, because they change the rules every 3 seconds and treat you entirely differently depending on their mood/who is there. It’s bonkers (and dangerous). Surely as an NHS service they should have clear processes/acceptance criteria and be able to communicate them to their patients, but apparently not!
I hope you’re getting by okay and try not to get too anxious about your upcoming assessment. One day at a time and treat yourself kindly. You can do it.
I really hope you're feeling better - mental health services can be awful and you deserve better but please try to think kind thoughts about yourself and give yourself a break - you are doing the very best you can to help yourself and being let down, but that's not your fault at all. I know it's really hard, but please keep us updated on how you're doing because we want to support you
Thanks Lonewarrior
One thing is for sure,,, we may have struggles of our own but we all care for each other, we reach out and we do our best when we can.
The situation you are in is sadly only to common,,long long waits just to even get a referral never mind diagnosis, , we are not supported as we should be as we are seen as coping! They don’t see or understand the constant battles we have just getting through each day, yes we do it,,, but it all gets just to much at times,
Please keep talking,, we don’t judge as we often know how you are feeling, we also struggle in our own unique way.
Take care and look for beauty,, nature now is amazing,, the leaves are all changing, golden browns, yellows and the sunsets as sunflower has shown are amazing this time of the year, smell the roses as Trogluddite says,
look for the good in life.
Ah, I found that blog about research standards that I mentioned; I'll stick it up in its own topic - it deserves it's own thread rather than send this one any further off-topic.
Yes, I agree it's refreshing to find some rigorous research being done that autistic people have actually had a say about.
Something that concerns me about all the emphasis on 'cure' and 'prevention' research is that it implies there's something fundamentally undesirable about being autistic.
If I am autistic it's the only way of being I've ever known. I've struggled with being different sometimes but I've had a hell of an interesting life. Would not want to trade quirkiness for bland 'normal'!