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What did you assume was responsible for your behavioural issues prior to diagnosis?

SciFiGreg
over 6 years ago

I had the following problems as a child:

  • I used to run away from home while I was in late juniors / early high school because of the excessively controlling environment I was raised in

  • Had a very toxic relationship with my mum, who is excessively controlling and being a fundamentalist evangelical christian who imposed many pointless and bizarre rules on what I could and couldn't do [such as not being allowed to listen to "worldly music" or watch / play TV series, movies or video games that included occult imagery, sexual contact, excessive violence or swearing]

  • I was bullied by people I called friends as well as the kids at school because my parents bought me second hand clothes which was perceived as "uncool" by others, these people also discovered that I was easily triggered into becoming very frustrated and ultimately angry and violent, which seemed to motivate them to push me even more

  • I was kicked out of my junior school towards the end of my time and then high school at the beginning of year 8 there because I was always getting into fights, being a class clown and disrespecting teachers


I now have the following problems as an adult:


  • Because of many negative experiences both at work and in social circles I have very little tolerance for bullies, users and work colleagues with an abrasive management style or unearned sense of entitlement / superiority - usually the types of people that end up in management positions by brown-nosing their way up the ladder, in my observation these people lack management skills and instead think they can treat staff in whatever manner they choose just because they have a title

    I end up being very direct with people like this, which generally results in me being targeted as they're typically manipulative lying bullies - people I have no respect for but apparently want me to disregard their behaviour and accept it because they're a manager

  • I no longer care about socialisation. I've had a few circles of friends in my lifetime and they never seem to make the same level of effort I do, only bothering when they want something. I've had "friends" rip me off, ones that can't even be bothered to visit you, it always has to be you that makes the effort. People that just seem to use you for what they can get

    As an example I recently invited a friend to visit, she lives 20 miles away and doesn't drive but there is a bus service to my local town and I told her I could pick her up from there. I sent her timetables and a route planner but she never took me up on my offer. This is someone I've talked to about other people doing the exact same thing in the past and how it ends with me cutting communication with them and yet here we are. I realise that people have their own lives to live but if you're relying on me to give you a lift I'm afraid that's not going to happen

    I no longer have any motivation to bother trying to make friends. I get on well with my team at work but if invited to a social gathering, work related or otherwise, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and feel completely disinterested

    I feel that another contributing factor to my current lack of motivation is likely the deterioration of my relationship with my parents, who have both been fundamentalist evangelical christians for about 30 years and how their single-mindedness and complete [and misplaced] confidence in their beliefs apparently made them feel like they [well, my mum specifically] were in a position to judge my life, specifically how when I moved in with my current girlfriend they called into question the validity our relationship because we're not married and of course they focused primarily on the sexual side of things, as religious people often tend to do

    I had no choice but to accept their lifestyle while living with them but even after I'd left I never really questioned their beliefs and just accepted them. Until I became more scientifically literate and realised that they were trying to convince me to believe in baseless lies and that they were deluding themselves and ultimately harming our relationship and limiting their own life experiences by believing in the supernatural

Prior to my recent diagnosis I attributed my frustrations / behavioural issues to my home environment and the bullying I suffered as when I'd left home [which I did at 17 because I just couldn't bare it any more) I found that I wasn't frustrated or angry any more, until over time I've become frustrated with people generally and think that most are selfish and manipulative.

Now that I have been diagnosed things make more sense, I actually think that my mum is also on the spectrum but communicating that to her would be impossible as she'd most likely attribute it to demonic activity.

It doesn't really change the way I feel about people but I at least understand myself a little better and place issues within the context of ASC.

What are your experiences?

Parents
  • over 6 years ago

    I have always had "problems with authority" apparently. Like you, I have no clue why someone is worthy or respect due to a job title, and I tend to call a spade a spade (or an idiot an idiot). Like you, I have found that this is not usually well received in work environments. As an aside, did you read the research a little while back which concluded that a surprisingly high percentage of people in management exhibit psychopathic tendencies? .... probably explains a lot. As a child, I was an obsessive collector and had obsessive special interests, but I think everyone just thought I was bright because I always had my nose in a book.

    I can also relate very much to the inequality in friendships. It's happened to me so many time, I just can't be bothered any more. If there's no evidence of equal effort, I just give up on it.

    Before I knew why, I blamed my inability to stick with a job for long on the flightiness of youth, my alleged "disrespect" on the perversity of assumed respect based on job/age etc, and my difficulties with things emotional on "that's just the way I am". I didn't realise my sensory sensitivities were sensory sensitivities until I was overwhelmed by them (this was largely what precipitated my diagnosis at 46) and I thought my lousy social skills were just me not being a people person. 

    Other things that I remember from childhood now make sense. My eye contact is "normal" now, but if I had a quid for every time as a child someone said "look at me when I'm talking to you", I'd be rich!

    Now that I know I have Asperger's, so many things make sense. Most of my life in fact. I didn't have a painful upbringing or anything like that that I could have suspected as a cause for all of it, but it took me that long to join the dots. I am female though, and women going undiagnosed seems to be far more prevalent than men.

  • over 6 years ago in reply to moggsy

    Yeah, I've noticed from experience that negative behavioural traits such as brown-nosing, bullying, throwing ones weight around or just generally being incompetent, manipulative or an abrasive *** are generally rewarded in the workplace with promotion to some form of management position.

    I have no respect for people like that.

    I also had problems with eye contact when I was a kid, I have specific memories of being freaked out by the way some teachers eyes darted around from left to right.

    My mum was of the opinion that if I didn't look her in the eye or my face flushed red, I was lying to her, when it was actually anxiety.

    I've also always had a narrow range of what would probably be considered niche interests.

    I love certain types of sci-fi TV. 

    Trek was my gateway, I was obsessed with it. I know way too much about it, to point where I can answer obscure questions or identify episodes by a few seconds of footage. I also love shows such as Stargate, Babylon 5, etc. My current sci-fi obsession is The Expanse - it's amazing.

    I've also always been obsessed by technology. First it was digital watches and scientific calculators then on to games consoles, home computers and PCs.

    Now I work in a fairly senior IT based role and am always fiddling with some form of tech.

    Since being introduced to trance and progressive house at the age of 18 I pretty much exclusively listen to those genres and certain subgenres. I was pretty heavily into clubbing in the late 90's / early 2000's. For me it was all about the music and dancing, I was rarely social in that environment, instead choosing to find a good spot to dance in whete I'd spend hours.

    I'm also obsessed with cats and will always try and make friends with any I see in the street.

    I'm also obsessed with The Simpsons and can remember tons of related facts, scenes / lines.

  • over 6 years ago in reply to SciFiGreg

    I had a twin brother so from a very early age I began measuring and comparing myself and seeing the 'right' way to do things but not understanding why everyone else did things in such a half-assed way. I became very good / expert in anything I turned my hand to. My thirst for data and knowledge and not needing others to hold me back meant I explored the world on my own.

    I measured teenager behaviour and copied very well - went to gigs, got a girlfriend, got a Saturday job, learned to drive, got loads of qualifications, got a job, got a house, got married, had a child - everything everyone expected of me. Without ever trying or wanting to do it - I was a child pretending.

    My behaviours meant I was perfect - too perfect. Like Mr Data.

    Everyone used to just accept me as a walking data-bank & memory man and hard-working problem solver.

    In environments where everyone was pulling in the same direction, all with a common goal, I was amazing.

    It all started to unravel when I was working for a manipulative, lazy, incompetent manager who blatantly used me and lied to my face all the time - I started to malfunction badly because I couldn't reconcile his behaviour.

    In this political environment, I crumbled, became seriously ill, ended up getting diagnosed with ASD and never recovered.

    I've spent a lot of time measuring myself since and feel as though I have been a good person all my life. I have 'done the right thing' at every opportunity and have no regrets about things I have done.

  • over 6 years ago in reply to Plastic

    So, you don’t have the Haynes manual either! Lol

  • over 6 years ago in reply to Plastic

    White knuckle stuff..having to be super adult with a goey childlike centre that wants to run and play... or just can’t work it out

  • over 6 years ago in reply to .

    Yes - excellent film - I still identfy with David in AI, Mr Data and Bicentennial Man. Child-like, naive and innocent but exposed to the atrocities of the adult world but not understanding the reality.

  • over 6 years ago in reply to .

    Have you seen the wonderful  Metropolis?

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