Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone
This is my first post on here so please be nice
My 16 year old son has just been diagnosed with ASD (it would be Aspergers if they still could use the term). He is completely obsessed with Japan and everything about it and has decided that he wants to live there when he is older. Because of this, his career choice is to teach English to students over there and he is aiming to do the relevant courses including a degree. (Up until a few months ago, he wanted to work with animals or in an office.)
This is all fantastic and I am happy for him to follow his dreams. However, based on his past few years, I am struggling to envisage it and I don't know whether to continue to encourage/facilitate him. The Psychiatrist that diagnosed him said that I shouldn't encourage him and he would probably forget about it. I am not convinced that he will and also if I have tried to be realistic with him, he just gets annoyed with me and tells me everything will be fine when he is there. He also said that he wouldn't want to live if he couldn't go.
To give you a bit of background - he was originally diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression. ASD was always a query (in my mind) but as he didn't fit some of the criteria, no-one seemed convinced. Anyway, long story short, he didn't cope well at school from day 1 - this got worse as he got older and he had school refusal for his last 2 years of secondary. Eventually, he received Out of School tuition for his last few months and he even found this incredibly stressful. He managed to pass English Language and Maths (the only 2 subjects he took due to missing so much school) and has now joined a training provider (like a very small college). His confidence is gradually increasing, but he still relies on me at home to do a lot and be there to talk and explain things to him. He has been trying to learn Japanese, which he is finding almost impossible and he is getting very worked up and stressed about it all.
As you can imagine, it feels like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, so am after any advice from any of you that have maybe travelled or moved abroad yourselves. I have always been his spokeperson and have been fighting for him to get the help he has needed. How likely is this dream to become a reality? Can you change drastically from the age of 16 to say early 20's - enough for you to become completely independent enough to move to the other side of the world? (I haven't got ASD and I couldn't do it!)
Please help!
This might be a relevant book for you!
Born On a Blue Day: www.amazon.co.uk/.../0340899751
The author has Aspergers (wasn't diagnosed until adulthood). He described his life from childhood until the age he was writing the book. He had a lot of trouble with lots of stuff as a child, but after finishing school he decided not to go to university at that time, and instead do a volunteer English teaching post in Lithuania. It was a really big transition, and a really big step, having to move to a different country where the culture, food, transportation, housing and language was all new. But the trip turned out to be a success. He made friends with many of his students, and even learned Lithuanian in the process.
This sounds almost exactly like your son's dream!
It seems like your son has looked a lot into it, and given much thought to it. I think it would be nice if he could pursue his goal. Sometimes, you just need to put yourself in the environment and things will fall into place. Or course, there will always be struggles, but once you are in that sort of environment, you are kind of forced to face the challenges that come. Not sure if this makes sense?
Furthermore, I agree with Emma's statement, that some autistic people do extremely well living abroad, where their social mistakes are easily excused by being a foreigner.
Regarding how to reach the goal, it may be a good idea to start with small steps. Could he perhaps sign up to do an online teaching session with a few individuals from Japan? Maybe after getting used to teaching online, he can go to Japan and teach a summer course for 1-2 months and see if he enjoys living there. And if all works out, he can consider working there or stay there for longer periods of time. Would he be happy with a plan like this?
Thanks qwerty - that book sounds great - I'll have a read. I would love my son to read something like that to give him an insight into living in another country, but unfortunately he hates reading and gets very stressed if he has to do any. I think this is one of my big concerns with him choosing teaching as a career - I can't envisage him going to uni etc and all the work that involves. Don't get me wrong, he is really bright, but he struggles doing any reading/written work. I have chatted with him about taking things slowly and aiming to live there by his mid to late twenties. He seems quite happy with this, so it's just a case of taking one step at a time and seeing how it pans out.