Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone
This is my first post on here so please be nice
My 16 year old son has just been diagnosed with ASD (it would be Aspergers if they still could use the term). He is completely obsessed with Japan and everything about it and has decided that he wants to live there when he is older. Because of this, his career choice is to teach English to students over there and he is aiming to do the relevant courses including a degree. (Up until a few months ago, he wanted to work with animals or in an office.)
This is all fantastic and I am happy for him to follow his dreams. However, based on his past few years, I am struggling to envisage it and I don't know whether to continue to encourage/facilitate him. The Psychiatrist that diagnosed him said that I shouldn't encourage him and he would probably forget about it. I am not convinced that he will and also if I have tried to be realistic with him, he just gets annoyed with me and tells me everything will be fine when he is there. He also said that he wouldn't want to live if he couldn't go.
To give you a bit of background - he was originally diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression. ASD was always a query (in my mind) but as he didn't fit some of the criteria, no-one seemed convinced. Anyway, long story short, he didn't cope well at school from day 1 - this got worse as he got older and he had school refusal for his last 2 years of secondary. Eventually, he received Out of School tuition for his last few months and he even found this incredibly stressful. He managed to pass English Language and Maths (the only 2 subjects he took due to missing so much school) and has now joined a training provider (like a very small college). His confidence is gradually increasing, but he still relies on me at home to do a lot and be there to talk and explain things to him. He has been trying to learn Japanese, which he is finding almost impossible and he is getting very worked up and stressed about it all.
As you can imagine, it feels like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, so am after any advice from any of you that have maybe travelled or moved abroad yourselves. I have always been his spokeperson and have been fighting for him to get the help he has needed. How likely is this dream to become a reality? Can you change drastically from the age of 16 to say early 20's - enough for you to become completely independent enough to move to the other side of the world? (I haven't got ASD and I couldn't do it!)
Please help!
It's nice to have a goal. You might want to look into the practicalities with him - find out the earning potential of a teacher there, see if it is full-time work or just part-time / evening work and how much money he is likely to end up with after taxes etc. Then find out the cost of living over there (I know it's really expensive) and how easy it would be survive in such a full-on environment for him with no close safety-net. You might find that the reality puts him off completely.
He has looked into a lot of this himself. I think he would manage financially as he is very sensible regarding spending. Obviously things might change over the next few years, so it's difficult to know how it would play out then. But nothing has put him off so far.