Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi ro all. I am a 56 years old and I was diagnosed with Aspergers 8 years ago. I have a daughter and I have been with my husband for 30 years. My husband took the diagnosis very badly and decided that a reltionship between an aspie and an NT was bound to fail. I went to a therapist and I worked rally hard to adjust my behaviour to his needs and wants. To no avail. After all this time, he has decided to separate. I am devastated as I dont have many friends to support me and my family refuses my diagnosis and they never understood me. I also have been physically disabled for the last 3 years due to an accident and I have an auto immune disease. I have lways suffered from anxiety and depression but now they are out of control. My husband says he loves me but cannot live with me and wants to live his own life. He says he wants to remain my closest friend but I am devastated. I cannot understand what he wants. Has anyone gone through a separation or has lost a relationship because they were autustic?
I'd guess he was almost out the door with your disability and immuno problems - he's probably thinking "Why should I have to put up with all these problems? I should be enjoying life at this age." The AS diagnosis is just another problem that he has to bother about. He's taken the coward's route.
Agreed. Is there, perchance, any sign of "a younger model" on the horizon?
I was devastated when one Christmas my then husband told me he wanted us to split up. I now know it was the best thing he could have done for both of us. In leaving he freed me from a relationship in which he'd always expected me to do the emotional labour. Yours sounds as though he's similar. You have nothing to reproach yourself with, you always tried to do your best (as I had). Good luck. What's to come won't be easy but I hope you'll find a new you at the end of it. Without his negativity I suspect you'll discover how much you like yourself.
Thanks to all for your support. He has had casual affairs in the past and i have no doubts that he is hoping to find someone else. I have only one friend and i don’t see her very often. I have a great therapist though and she has helped me a lot. I am not good at meeting people and i has invested so much into my marriage. My friend also told me I may be better off in the long term. I do have a lawyer now and we are trying to work out financial arrangements. I suffer from very bad anxiety so it is now going through the roof. I think there is also a mid life crisis going on there as he wants to “feel alive “. The good side is that I feel free to be myself again.