My adult son still blames me

Sometimes it feels like parents are overly keen to believe they have a 'bad' child when the child is displaying sensory differences. 

Almost like they are a martyr and someone has forced them to have a child against their will. It felt like I was never allowed to have my on tastes and preferences. And I was some kind of monster for wanting this. I can't understand why no one thought that neurodiversity couldn't exist, after all the brain is a physical entity just like the rest of the body, there is variance amongst other areas of the body between people, why not the brain too? This was obvious to me back in the 90s when i was a child. It seems to me like parents do not properly understand biology and where expecting the child to be a clone of themselves. If you didn't behave like my parents did with your son, then fair enough. Your son was probably very depressed as a child, hence where a lot of the anger is coming from. I was suicidaly depressed from a young age. It is horrible to constantly be told you are bad, and the sensory overwhelm is a nightmare. Life is pretty horrible for people with Asperger's, we have a disability, yet are often denied disability payments or any medical help. Suicide was high amongst people with Asperger's, but now they have taken away all of the nice methods of doing it now. Euthanasia is legal for people with Asperger's in The Netherlands and Belgium. That's how much of a disability Asperger's really is. But there is NO acknowledgement about the issues that we face. I was assessed for disability by a nurse not a Neuroscientist or a Psychiatrist over the phone, not even face to face. How can such an assessment be an accurate assessment of someone's capability to work? How can a nurse be qualified to assess a Neurological condition? This is the reality people with Asperger's face. Maybe try reading some posts on reddit about Asperger's and depression, and you will understand more the depth of despair many of us feel. I often wonder why, when there is information all over the news, and has been for years about the crisis in the NHS  why people who are not rich still feel it is a good idea to bring children into such a situation like this. It is really not fair on the children, and I wish more parents would seriously consider the idea that their child might not be healthy and need help, but not have access to it. When you think about it like this, you can see why your son might be angry. Asperger's was put into the DSM as far back as 1987, if there were more physiatrists  we could have been diagnosed much earlier on. It feels like everyone is against us and they just patronises us, and that no one really cares. Maybe you should apologise to your son, instead of saying 'we just didn't know' , and 'that no one knew' back then about Asperger's, because some people did know about it, and admit that it is probably a mistake to procreate unless you are rich and can afford to take your child to a private psychiatrist. This may help to lessen our son's anger towards you, I know I would like to hear this from my parents, and I would feel a whole lot less angry at them if they said this to me. 

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Sometimes it feels like parents are overly keen to believe they have a 'bad' child when the child is displaying sensory differences. 

Almost like they are a martyr and someone has forced them to have a child against their will. It felt like I was never allowed to have my on tastes and preferences. And I was some kind of monster for wanting this. I can't understand why no one thought that neurodiversity couldn't exist, after all the brain is a physical entity just like the rest of the body, there is variance amongst other areas of the body between people, why not the brain too? This was obvious to me back in the 90s when i was a child. It seems to me like parents do not properly understand biology and where expecting the child to be a clone of themselves. If you didn't behave like my parents did with your son, then fair enough. Your son was probably very depressed as a child, hence where a lot of the anger is coming from. I was suicidaly depressed from a young age. It is horrible to constantly be told you are bad, and the sensory overwhelm is a nightmare. Life is pretty horrible for people with Asperger's, we have a disability, yet are often denied disability payments or any medical help. Suicide was high amongst people with Asperger's, but now they have taken away all of the nice methods of doing it now. Euthanasia is legal for people with Asperger's in The Netherlands and Belgium. That's how much of a disability Asperger's really is. But there is NO acknowledgement about the issues that we face. I was assessed for disability by a nurse not a Neuroscientist or a Psychiatrist over the phone, not even face to face. How can such an assessment be an accurate assessment of someone's capability to work? How can a nurse be qualified to assess a Neurological condition? This is the reality people with Asperger's face. Maybe try reading some posts on reddit about Asperger's and depression, and you will understand more the depth of despair many of us feel. I often wonder why, when there is information all over the news, and has been for years about the crisis in the NHS  why people who are not rich still feel it is a good idea to bring children into such a situation like this. It is really not fair on the children, and I wish more parents would seriously consider the idea that their child might not be healthy and need help, but not have access to it. When you think about it like this, you can see why your son might be angry. Asperger's was put into the DSM as far back as 1987, if there were more physiatrists  we could have been diagnosed much earlier on. It feels like everyone is against us and they just patronises us, and that no one really cares. Maybe you should apologise to your son, instead of saying 'we just didn't know' , and 'that no one knew' back then about Asperger's, because some people did know about it, and admit that it is probably a mistake to procreate unless you are rich and can afford to take your child to a private psychiatrist. This may help to lessen our son's anger towards you, I know I would like to hear this from my parents, and I would feel a whole lot less angry at them if they said this to me. 

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