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Being 'stuck' with an autistic daughter!

Dottywhome

H I don't normally post on her I think I've only replied to one post so here goes. I'm having a really hard time in every way imaginable at the moment. I was diagnosed with AS in November 2015 after 46 year of being diagnosed I am high functioning, although I don't feel it a lot of the time, I have a good job although not so good at the moment but that's another story. 

The reason for my upset? My Mum, who I've always been close to, and I had an argument over something so ridiculous its not true, ice cream, WTF, the argument ended with her saying she doesn't understand me and she feels she is stuck with an autistic daughter! I'm hurt really hurt she has never said anything like this to me before and to say it over an argument so trivial makes it even worse it told her to 'go away' although that is the polite version the real one ends in off. Is it just me or is this really really nasty? She has apologised but it doesn't make me feel any better, shes said it, its out there, she cant unsay it. Has anybody else ever experienced anything like this? To top it off I'm having a really bad time at work, the sort of bad time that could lead to me losing my job which I know I'm good at and have been told numerous times I'm good at it.

What hurts more is that for the last few years I have had to do so much for her due to her age, shopping, cleaning, etc. I can't see a way back from this any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the waffle.

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  • What I've learned from years of painful experience is that we see detail and feel detail in everything much more vividly than most other people. So in some ways we appreciate the tiny aspects of the world more, but we also get hurt or upset more by tiny things that other people don't think about. I think you need to find a way to convey to your mother that such a comment deeply hurt you, although if she has apologised, I think she probably realises it and feels bad.

    More importantly is not letting it or anything else take over your life. If you're also having issues with work maybe you're overloading yourself and it added to the minor disagreement. Perhaps if you can try to deal with one issue at a time things will straighten out. But you aren't abnormal for feeling such a comment so deeply. It's an emotional rejection from someone who is meant to love you unconditionally and it isn't okay. If she'd said "stuck with a stubborn daughter", it would just be venting. But stuck with an autistic daughter...she's not. For better or worse, you are the one who lives with it. She can leave the room, leave the house, step away from what you are dealing with in your head but you can't do that.

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  • What I've learned from years of painful experience is that we see detail and feel detail in everything much more vividly than most other people. So in some ways we appreciate the tiny aspects of the world more, but we also get hurt or upset more by tiny things that other people don't think about. I think you need to find a way to convey to your mother that such a comment deeply hurt you, although if she has apologised, I think she probably realises it and feels bad.

    More importantly is not letting it or anything else take over your life. If you're also having issues with work maybe you're overloading yourself and it added to the minor disagreement. Perhaps if you can try to deal with one issue at a time things will straighten out. But you aren't abnormal for feeling such a comment so deeply. It's an emotional rejection from someone who is meant to love you unconditionally and it isn't okay. If she'd said "stuck with a stubborn daughter", it would just be venting. But stuck with an autistic daughter...she's not. For better or worse, you are the one who lives with it. She can leave the room, leave the house, step away from what you are dealing with in your head but you can't do that.

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