Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I'm looking for a little advice/ reassurance.
I live with my boyfriend, we bought a flat together last year, we have been together 4 years (but knew each other for a few years prior). I have always known that he is on the spectrum, but not heavily autistic. He was diagnosed as autistic as a child but doctors were happy that he'd developed away from it and was no longer classed as autistic by his teens.
The few autistic features that remained with him are characteristics I completely adore, very caring of over people, excellent at problem solving and quiet/ non egotistical.
General life stress with the pressures of living together plus numerous family problems on both sides is starting bring his autism out. He is becoming very distant, and he's concentrating so hard on everything that's going on around him, he's basically become unable to think for himself. He can't think to essentially look after himself, let alone the flat or be a loving boyfriend.
I've always understood him, and have known I have to take a different approach with him but I'm starting to struggle. He was brought up with a very autistic brother and his mum has very much done everything for them continuously, they both have the attitude of "I'm autistic so I can't and won't do that or try".
What can I do?!? It's hard to be there and support him through things he's struggling with when he throws the blocks up and the autism takes over. But I feel I'm not doing anything at all if I give him the space he looks like he needs.
Just getting this off my chest is a relief, phew!
I’ve potentially got aspergers, apparently. It does look more and more likely. My other half and I have been together for two and a half years and more or less the entire time it’s been a bit of an abusive relationship due to my anger issues and more. It turns out I’ve not shown the feelings I feel inside to her so this has left her feeling unloved and like I don’t like her (couldn’t be further from the truth). It only came to realisation for me exactly a month ago today, due to this I sought help which is where aspergers got brandished about. Quite overwhelming as it feels so true.
Since we bought our house in January I seem to have completely acted like a different person to how I see myself, I’ve lived alone off and on for 13 years and yet I’ve allowed her to mother me (I’ve also had huge stress at work), I hate being mothered and in fact I’m massively independent. So since the relationship breakdown last month I feel I’ve found myself again which has been great. So what you say above seems very familiar.
This is quite easy for me to come to terms with as it provides answers to things but it now appears she’s struggling with it. She’s joined different together which I believe is for partners of those on the spectrum, I’ve promised not to sign up but whatever she’s posted this evening seems to have hit home with her, I think she’s petrified and doesn’t know whether she can do this. I completely appreciate this but I am now questioning whether I want to put myself through the hurt of it not working.
Either way I feel for anyone in the situation whether from the NEurotypical or aspie perspective. Good luck