Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a woman who is married with 5 kids. I was diagnosed in the last year with high functioning ASD and felt very positive about the whole thing as it answers a lot of questions I had about why I behaved the way I did when I was young and how I behave now.
I got myself through university and trained as a health care professional. I worked in a very busy and sometimes daunting environment. I was very unhappy there. I didn’t fit in, got comments made to me about taking longer to organise myself etc etc. But I was very good at my job as I could connect with clients and families. Sometimes getting too emotional in the process and taking on their worries as my own. This again was exhausting.
I have moved settings now and work with younger clients who may have ASD among other problems. I disclosed to my supervisor and to my surprise was met with questions like why I arrived at thinking I have ASD and how they thought I was normal. This got into a very awkward discussion of how socially awkward I feel.
I explained that I am professional and can connect with people in the structured environment of work and am very focused. Basically justifying how I have been able to work in my profession for the last 9 years. I feel like she was asking me how I can do my job and see traits and problems that ASD clients have when traditionally ASD in itself is associated with poor communication.
I have been trained over the years to learn how to make people like me. It is exhausting but I can do it. Also I am very analytical and can focus on what is going on and can project the problems I see into what problems the client can have in the future. This is insight I have learned over he years through experience and learning.
I guess what I am getting at is that, with my diagnoses, I feel now that my ability to do my job is being questioned by my new manager. This upsets me greatly. I worked very hard, and struggled to navigate the social gauntlet of university and the work place, now to be faced with this.
In turn, will health professionals like the GP and health visitors automatically assume I am a terrible parent as well. I just feel lost. I’ve never felt like I fitted in, have learned to not speak at times when I would like to for fear of saying the wrong thing.
Sometimes when I do let people see glimpses of the real me, I get funny looks as my humour doesn’t match theirs or I can seem a bit immature in my silliness. This is something I have learned from even primary school where my class mates made nasty comments when I made up little songs or acted ‘uncool,’
My family and friends for the most part get me. As u can imagine, they are a very select few. My husband has a similar sense of humour and we get on great but my ‘organised chaos’ approach does sometimes cause conflict from time to time.
Has anyone any idea what I can do or any similar experience? I wish I hadn’t disclosed this to my boss as I now am in a state of panic.
@NAS38066
Could you ask your manager directly what they are actually thinking?
You will probably find it's not what you are imagining.
I supervise staff at work (social care) and most people project onto others to a greater or lesser degree their own fears and desires. It's quite surprising some of the stories that people have and how they routinely reinforce and perpetuate these without seeking to challenge their belief.
The only way to really know what someone is thinking is by asking them.
I think most people in a supportive and open environment will give an honest answer when asked and I'd expect a well-managed health team to cultivate this type of culture.
As my forum name suggests I'm undiagnosed but have strong suspicions I may be on the spectrum. It's through reading the work of Prof. Tony Attwood, Sarah Hendrickx and a recent interview experience that I've started to seriously consider ASC.
From what I've read over the past 2 months, my understanding of Autism has really broadened beyond my existing understanding of ASC (I work with adults with learning disabilities and ASC), especially in regards to the more subtle presentation and the scale of the misunderstanding created by the word 'spectrum' when Autism is characterised by a spikey ability profile.
Per previous comments, I do think that there's an opportunity to direct your work place towards an updated evidence based understanding of ASC to include the more subtle presentation, masking / camouflaging strategies and autistic exhaustion & burnout.
As you work with children with suspected ASC then there are also opportunities in supporting those parents who may also be on the spectrum but without a diagnosis. I can imagine that your 'insider' knowledge could be of particular benefit here sign-posting parents to adult ASC services and championing and developing new services to support autistic parents with autistic kids.
I recently informed two managers I work with that I'm seeking a referral for ASC. I could see that there was possibly some initial scepticism (I work with people with very obvious and spikey profiles), but when I described more of my quirks and how I think I fit the diagnostic criteria my managers seemed to be more open to this possibility.
I hope that you are able to dissolve your fears via a chat with your manager and continue the conversation as to how this may benefit the development of your team.
As a starting point you could direct them to the free CPD accredited NAS 'Women and Girls' module:
https://www.autismonlinetraining.com/enrol/index.php?id=44
And the Futurelearn 'Understanding Autism' module for when it comes back online:
https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/autism
I love your practical advice Possibly Autistic, I'm mesmerised by your words. I keep reading this part of this sentence '...I'd expect a well-managed health team to cultivate this type of culture' ~ honestly, those words are intoxicating to me, I'm totally awestruck at how you put those words together! I would have loved you to be my supervisor when I was working in social care. I probably would have thrived. You have the clear practical understanding but grounded on a much deeper level of understanding and compassion which I rarely encounter in people. I'm totally missing that practical aspect although thankfully, I'm finally getting help with that now, but your words!!! I would probably follow you around like a lap dog or something if I worked with you because you make me feel spell bound! Lol! Honestly, I can't stop reading what you've wrote and it's all such great practical advice as well, that doesn't sound so scary when you say it, but it's more than that, I don't know what it is, I can't explain it but I'm mesmerised! I bet the people you supervise don't know how lucky they are! Thanks for making my day today and for putting that extra bit of joy in my heart ️