Social mistakes in school - help x

Jess, you are a beautiful, beautiful person. Stay around the people who enable you to be you and over time, you'll build up the inner confidence you need to hear the criticisms etc of others, through an atmosphere of love and compassion. This is a process and you gain inner confidence by being true to you. By doing exactly what you're doing. By looking at the situation from all angles, while holding yourself accountable. I doubt there's a bad bone in your body and the more time you spend around people who support you to be yourself, the more your confidence will grow. Don't fight the bad stuff, the obsessive thoughts about if people like us or not. I'm 51 years old, clearly liked by many people yet I can still think a friend hates me when she leaves, even if she tells me she's had a great time! But I don't fight that anymore. Instead, I accept it, I don't try to change it (because besides which, experience has taught me I can't), so I simply crowd it out with the good stuff. I think of all the things I'm grateful for and I focus on my relationships with people who's company I do enjoy. I spend most of my time by myself, which I enjoy but I also now spend time with other autistic people and I'm slowly building up more friendships, at a level I can cope with and with people who's company I can be myself. Building friendships/letting people into my life is a process which is happening at a perfect pace for me and it sounds like your life is moving at a perfect pace for you and you're definitely heading in the right direction. Learn to trust yourself and in yourself and this is a great example. Despite the inner chatter in your head, you trusted yourself enough to know that these popular girls are no longer a benefit to you, in fact, the situation is starting to become damaging and despite what your head was saying, you have moved away from them and you are now spending time in the company of girls you enjoy. Building trust and confidence happens over time, like going to the gym to build muscle. Don't ever look at your progress in terms of how far you have to go. But instead, look how far you've come and if each day, you do just a little better than the day before, you know that you're always doing good. And by the way, spending a week in bed is doing very well. We need extra time to process situations/new information and sometimes the only way we can process stuff is by simply staying in bed, where it's safe and we can just be, even if we are in pain and turmoil in our minds, we are still processing stuff, but below or above the level of consciousness. And remember the absolute number one golden rule, always, without exception, be kind to you. That means not being influenced by your negative self talk and the worries and fears that seem to take up permanent residence in our heads sometimes. Don't fight it. Be gentle and gently add into your life, more and more of the good stuff, i.e. looking after yourself well, spending time with people who support you, doing things you enjoy etc, and it won't make the difficulties disappear but they will have less influence on you and over time you can actually learn to love those aspects of ourselves that sometimes make us want to burry ourselves and hide, but not through force or 'positive thinking' but by crowding out the bad with the good, gently, slowly and authentically along the way. You're a beautiful person Jess and I'm so happy you're on this planet confidence grows organically as we spend more time doing the things we enjoy and spending more time with people we enjoy, it's a natural progression. This changing of friendship groups when we're younger is common to lots of young people, but as autistics the experience is magnified and we don't know how to deal with it. You're doing so well. I wish I had had your level of awareness and trust in self, at your age. It's really admirable. I would actually invite you to look at how incredibly well you have handled this situation and maybe read some books or articles around this stuff as knowledge can be very helpful. You're doing great though, I'm really proud of you and I know my teenage self would be looking up to you and wishing she was more like you. Well done. #inspirational 

Jess, you are a beautiful, beautiful person. Stay around the people who enable you to be you and over time, you'll build up the inner confidence you need to hear the criticisms etc of others, through an atmosphere of love and compassion. This is a process and you gain inner confidence by being true to you. By doing exactly what you're doing. By looking at the situation from all angles, while holding yourself accountable. I doubt there's a bad bone in your body and the more time you spend around people who support you to be yourself, the more your confidence will grow. Don't fight the bad stuff, the obsessive thoughts about if people like us or not. I'm 51 years old, clearly liked by many people yet I can still think a friend hates me when she leaves, even if she tells me she's had a great time! But I don't fight that anymore. Instead, I accept it, I don't try to change it (because besides which, experience has taught me I can't), so I simply crowd it out with the good stuff. I think of all the things I'm grateful for and I focus on my relationships with people who's company I do enjoy. I spend most of my time by myself, which I enjoy but I also now spend time with other autistic people and I'm slowly building up more friendships, at a level I can cope with and with people who's company I can be myself. Building friendships/letting people into my life is a process which is happening at a perfect pace for me and it sounds like your life is moving at a perfect pace for you and you're definitely heading in the right direction. Learn to trust yourself and in yourself and this is a great example. Despite the inner chatter in your head, you trusted yourself enough to know that these popular girls are no longer a benefit to you, in fact, the situation is starting to become damaging and despite what your head was saying, you have moved away from them and you are now spending time in the company of girls you enjoy. Building trust and confidence happens over time, like going to the gym to build muscle. Don't ever look at your progress in terms of how far you have to go. But instead, look how far you've come and if each day, you do just a little better than the day before, you know that you're always doing good. And by the way, spending a week in bed is doing very well. We need extra time to process situations/new information and sometimes the only way we can process stuff is by simply staying in bed, where it's safe and we can just be, even if we are in pain and turmoil in our minds, we are still processing stuff, but below or above the level of consciousness. And remember the absolute number one golden rule, always, without exception, be kind to you. That means not being influenced by your negative self talk and the worries and fears that seem to take up permanent residence in our heads sometimes. Don't fight it. Be gentle and gently add into your life, more and more of the good stuff, i.e. looking after yourself well, spending time with people who support you, doing things you enjoy etc, and it won't make the difficulties disappear but they will have less influence on you and over time you can actually learn to love those aspects of ourselves that sometimes make us want to burry ourselves and hide, but not through force or 'positive thinking' but by crowding out the bad with the good, gently, slowly and authentically along the way. You're a beautiful person Jess and I'm so happy you're on this planet confidence grows organically as we spend more time doing the things we enjoy and spending more time with people we enjoy, it's a natural progression. This changing of friendship groups when we're younger is common to lots of young people, but as autistics the experience is magnified and we don't know how to deal with it. You're doing so well. I wish I had had your level of awareness and trust in self, at your age. It's really admirable. I would actually invite you to look at how incredibly well you have handled this situation and maybe read some books or articles around this stuff as knowledge can be very helpful. You're doing great though, I'm really proud of you and I know my teenage self would be looking up to you and wishing she was more like you. Well done. #inspirational 

Hi,

I am sitting here in tears of happiness at your message. You are such a kind person, I actually cannot get over it. If only there were more people like you in this crazy world the place would be a lot better and brighter. You have actually made a massive impact on me, I appreciate it so much I could never put it down in words.

I hope you don't mind but I took a screenshot of your message ( I won't show anyone else) and I am going to put it in my special box where I keep all my treasured things so I can always look back at your message ( as I sometimes forget my password to this!).

Thank you will never be enough but just know you have made such a big difference in someone's life today and I do believe you will recieve what you give to the world, so I hope kindness reaches you.

Love, Jess x