Published on 12, July, 2020
Some people are very unfortunate in life, and I would consider people with autism spectrum disorders to be amongst the unfortunate - especially because nobody wants this type of condition. Even though my life could have turned out far worse I still consider myself very unlucky; my life is extremely sad compared to the lives of non-disabled neurotypicals. I feel as though I was only brought into the world to suffer in the way nobody should be made to suffer. Being placed in unsettling environments where I don't belong and put in such overwhelming and distressing situations that trigger my sensory issues is very cruel; my family members are fully aware of my daily struggles but don't show any empathy towards me at all. Every single time I would feel the need to run off to the special needs counsellors my parents would accuse me of misbehaving just because I'm showing signs of depression. Then when I try to get special needs professional help that is when they seem to accuse me of getting fixated and dwelling on my Asperger's condition. Yet they wonder why I end up venting my frustration on library books and other property. There are times when I don't see any point in being alive if all life is going to consist of is endless torture, because having autism is torture for autistic sufferers and their families. So many depressed people on the autism spectrum have died by suicide - what if that happens to me eventually? What if I end up killing myself in just a few years' time?
I’m sorry to hear that you feel so stiffled with your ASC. Whether NT or not, we all need our support network and places where we can calm ourselves and be understood.
i hope from being here on the forum gives you a chance to reach out and feel understood by community members here.
there are many themes to your thread that I identify with .. I.e periods of depression, lack of family understanding and the pressures of some situations that can escalate into the overwhelming.
ASC has its challenges, indeed, but I would not change it as it offers such amazing gifts as well.. I feel it enables me to see the world differently, has made me empathic to those around me and has helped my career due to its attributes. On the flip side, yes, relationships are tricky and I do not “fit”... but I am learning that “to fit” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be either
best wishes
Ellie
The fact that my parents on several unpleasant occasions would often send me to a mental home is one of the many causes of my already severe depression having worsened even more - yet they wonder why I'm having such horrific thoughts of suicide these days! This is why I find the world to be a cruelly nasty place for vulnerable people like myself, regardless of whether autistic or not.
Once I finally leave home and move into the right special needs accommodation I can't wait for the people at the NAS and those autism treatment centres to accept me and start giving me all the professional help I need for my condition and for my suicidal depression.
i'm sure the relationship with parents don't help however autism is seriously just absolute torture from hell to have to live with issues for SURE come from the bloody autism it is nothing but straight torture unfortunately EVERTHING that has ever happened to me has been bad basically because of this stupid evil cursed condition! It IS straight torture!
I'm sorry you're having a tough time. It comes across as though a lot of your issues are caused by your dysfunctional relationship with your parents. I don't have any books or links to offer you unfortunately but it sounds like working on coping strategies for living with an unsupportive family would be beneficial? I hope that once your able to move out your mood lifts.