Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello guys
I really think I have or am on the spectrum but I just don't know where to start to communicate this to anyone.
Can someone help and advise me how I go about best communicating how I feel?
I am a 29 year old man and for the past 6 years or so I have essentially isolated myself and lost all my friends. I manage to live socially on a very basic level but it always gets overwhelming and the relationships/friendships die.
I find it so difficult to communicate in groups of people or with new people at all; I have to be drunk and then I am okay.
I have no idea how to 'get' places i.e. i'm constantly wondering how people have 'done' what they have done - i have no idea or vision of every owning my own home - how do people know they have the money for that?
I recently done that autism test and scored very highly. But the thing is my mind races so fast and is so fixated on 'WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME' and self obsessing thoughts that I lose focus of anything else.
I can do tasks only one way and I have to be shown. I'm most happiest at work when I get to do that task over and over again with no deviations and if there is any change I am completely stumped and it stresses me out too much and then the confused self depracating thoughts come in.
I've had one relationship but it ended because I was so fixated on how things 'should' be, where the relationship 'should'be at any one time it put to much pressure on my ex.
I just don't know how to explain any of this to a doctor because face to face i wont be able to recall any of how i'm feeling and my verbal communication is often jumbled and poor.
Does this sound like I have something wrong with me, it's got to a point in my life now where I feel in despair and am becoming quite angry over everything and every situation.
Hello Haitch, this link will give you all the information you need to get a referral for an assessment of autism in the UK ~ http://www.autism.org.uk/about/diagnosis/adults.aspx ~ it also gives you a number you can call if you need further support.
What you have written suggests that you could well be on the autism spectrum. I think most, if not all of us on the autism spectrum have experienced the same kind of dispair and anger you are talking about, in fact, for many of us, it was the very thing that propelled us to take action to seek out why we appeared to be so different to the people around us.
Taking the action you need to take to get the ball rolling in terms of getting an assessment for autism can have a very positive impact on your self esteem but it would also be a good idea to get some support in the meantime. Joining a local support group for adults with autism could be a good option and so could talking therapies, at this stage. Writing on here will help as well. There are lots of options.
Well done for coming on here and sharing your experience with us, this is a really great first step and remember, the first step is always the hardest so you’ve cracked that one already. It will definitely not be all plain sailing from here on out but knowing yourself is definitely the key to a bright and happy future. All the best.