Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I won't bore you with tales from half a centuries worth of mostly disaster. My bet is, if were here, no real explanation is required.
I gained an inkling about 3 years ago that I might be on the spectrum. Everything I read about Asperger's, I was pretty much reading about myself and my own personality. I received the "official" diagnoses about 6 months ago. Relief, I'm not mad or bad, just different.
Now here is my problem (or is it one?). I really don't like being around people. For 30 odd years I've worked at the pointy end of IT support, at the level 'if I can't fix it, it can't be fixed'. Of course this means you are constantly in demand. Until recently I did not realise just how much stress and anxiety this was causing me. Pretending to be like everybody else, when I knew inside that I wasn't.
I did have a serious meltdown just over a year ago. Walked away from my career, have very limited contact with the few people I know and trust, no family that means anything to me, and for this last year I think I've made a hermit look extrovert. Thing is, I feel perfectly happy and at peace for probably the fist time in my life. I do feel vaguely guilty sometime, perhaps I should make more of an effort?
Anybodies/Everybody's thoughts and opinions would be very welcome, because I'm just lost
I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself to be sociable unless you are genuinely craving social interaction.
I was going through a phase of struggling to come to terms with my diagnosis and people around me telling me I wasn't very sociable didn't help - so I ended up forcing myself to go out more and try and build friendships, but this just lead to multiple shutdowns, burnout and feeling depressed.
Since then I have backed off considerably, only going out to socialise with my partner and this is limited to where we go and how long we are out for. I have even backed off from coming on these forums as I was trying to do too much, but I feel a lot better for backing off and my well-being has improved considerably.
When it all gets too much, it is too easy to put pressure on ourselves to try harder and work through it, which all leads to burnout. If you are happy with less social contact, then I would say keep at it unless you find you are craving interaction with people. I recently went out for drinks with work colleagues as it was a special occasion, but 1hr and 30mins in and I was struggling, so politely left. I had a shutdown afterwards and felt crappy for days, so I now know I must not overdo it or else face the consequences.
Do what is right for you and don't beat yourself up about it. Health comes first. (easier said than done I know!)